D & G

Dolce and Gabbana. Doom and Gloom. D & G. I was recently asked by a family member, quite seriously, if our family was plagued with dilemmas. I asked " Like a black cloud hovering and moving with our every move" She didn't agree with the black cloud syndrome, so I blurted out "You mean D & G, Doom & Gloom, ". She didn't quite get what I was inferring. I chuckled a bit and admitted I once thought the same of our family. Before I go any further my immediate family is the size of a small country so statistically speaking we are bound to have clusters of shall we say dilemmas: good or bad. Quizzically, I asked what she meant by dilemmas? It turns out she has the D & G glasses on - or how I put it - the "Doom & Gloom" glasses. I said it was a matter of perspective and explained that I noted this years ago coming to terms with my own D & G syndrome. Being passed down from generation to generation we got emotions filled with blame, unhappiness and melancholy as commonplace. Oh there was joy, cheery filled days and just as you experienced this some one from my maternal side of the family couldn't live with the fact that we were enjoying life would come and mar the situation with their brand of D & G. At the time I didn't understand that misery likes company and formulated my own D & G traits. The probability was inevitable. Back to my doe sister who is a couple of years younger and much wiser I believe in areas didn't truly accept my interpretation, so I put it like this: "If all you ever see is the bad in a situation, people or things guess what? That's what your going to get in life". I reminded her there are so many good things in our family. If you look for the good you will find the good. It may not be biblical in proportion but its there: true goodness.

Years ago, I took responsibility and realized there was more to life than the dark side. I filled my heart and mind with positive energies, read countless self help books and one day realized I am in charge of my life. Really, really, really in charge of my own life. I cannot say it has been all easy, there are times less often then before where D & G creeps back up. But I changed my perspective and decided to ditch the D & G for pure joy, you can call it PJ.

Smoking

This weekend I was over at one of the Doe's and noticed she drop a cigarette on the ground. For a split second I thought about picking it up and lighting it. Miraculously, the moment immediately shifted into my non-smoker mode. One hot and humid afternoon three years ago I decided to have my last cigarette. I was tired of smoking. There were several reasons I wanted to quit: the smell, the time consuming habit, my health, my kids but the main reason I just didn't enjoy it and knew it was a stupid habit. Like many other people I used an array of techniques from the patch to laser but I lapsed each time. So after dishing out my hard earned money on laser treatment that worked for about three months, I grudgingly made a deal with myself to smoke and at the same time be conscious of my actions. I felt the physiological and sensual effects of smoking. I internalized these feelings and one day with not much fanfare quit. I can vividly recall mentioning to my colleagues during a break "This is my last cigarette!!"
I haven't looked back until yesterday if only for a brief moment. I trained my brain to not have cravings, not have mood swings and to develop a circuitry loop in my head that skips over smoking. It worked!!! I often asked my late Dad how he quit smoking, being a heavy smoker for about fifty years. He retold me the story as many times as I asked, he had a bout of pneumonia and was bed-ridden for weeks. According to him, "God-damn sickest I ever been #$@#!&&&" and thanks to him I incorporated his approach into my quest to be a non-smoker. So I think to quit is all in your head or more precisely in your thoughts. If you overlook the self-defeating ones, focus on being healthy and learn to train your brain to leave behind all other thoughts related to the yukky habit: smoking is but a memory. Oh, and I didn't have any cravings or mood swings. I found many pharmaceutical and other medicinal cessation techniques for me were a crutch and masked the true culprit me. To overcome the urge, I needed to do it in my head. It may not work for everybody but did for me and my late dad. So hears to Hot Husband on his quest to join the ranks of healthy non-smokers. xoxoxo

Changing Careers

For the past couple of years I realized I didn't like what I was doing. I recall mentioning this to a friend over lunch and taken back at what just came out of my mouth. From that point on I knew it to be true. At this point in my life, my career morphed into something I didn't like but stayed for the financial benefits. About a month ago in a crisis meeting, my mouth opened and words came out. It was like out of body or out of mind experience. I listened as I spoke the words of my resignation. Was I crazy giving up a excellent paying job with great flexibility and great vacation time? The vision of staying home for the summer with my boys was looming in the forefront of my thoughts. I truly believe my ego put them there to avoid a meltdown of tears in front of my boss. I could not believe I was leaving. I handed my keys and files over to the boss, lingered literally minutes and walked out. Walked out. Hot husband knew I was unhappy and urged me to tough it out a couple of months or until I lined up a new job. My conscious mind had no control over my abrupt quitting. Deep down I knew it was the right thing to do but I do miss the Independence of a high paying job. I felt accomplished and justified for all the wrong reasons. And if you haven't noticed I said job not career or passion because it was just that a JOB. So here I sit two days away from Summer Vacation with my boys and thinking about what I really want to do. Boy, at times it's an unguided dilemma with no exit in sight. Then there are moments my brain wraps around an undefined cluster of hope and direction on my career. It's a start for now.

Things I could live without!

I could live without loot bags for birthday parties. I get into this conundrum about its contents. For over ten years I had this issue with loot bags. I tried high end, cheap, healthy, unhealthy, unique, odd and one time one item thingy in place of a loot bag. My kids came home with real fish in a bowl, movie passes, candy, toys, and even individualized age appropriate loot bags. Bless my sister-in-laws. I love the personal approach they give to each and every loot bag but frankly, most times I don't have it in me to do. This year my little one and I strode the aisle of a nameless everyday store and just grabbed things off the shelf. To my astonishment, he didn't seem to mind. He had no preference over the type of toys or treats. Honestly, it didn't register on his list of important items. What he did point out was his birthday wish list as we aimlessly strolled the toy section. The same amount of enthusiasm went into his choice of venue and I was left to figure that out too. So really it's the parent(s) who get bent out of shape for the perfect loot bag. Honestly, loot bags have been on my mind for the past month or so. Should I include one of the hottest gizmo toys for each of his pals or should I go middle range. One year Hot Husband made me give all baseball bats without realizing the majority of attendees were little girls. That went over well when they discovered you could use it to hit someone rather than play baseball. Uggghhhhhh. Needless to say, I am on my way to complete the loot bags %*^&^%$#@**^ Have a great day.

School Vacation

Aaaaahhhhh. Those were the days. Summer vacation looming ahead, counting the days as you dreamed in class. "I cannot wait, I cannot wait!!!! ". Thoughts of the summer plans danced about in your head as you sleepishly gazed out the window of your classroom thinking: "Who is going to be in cottage country when you got there? Any of your friends? When are we leaving for the cottage? Was the pool open? " Aaaahhhh, those carefree and unpretentious days of slumber and total vegetation. REALITY. The boys last day of school is in only four days, their vacation begins and my real job starts. It's days full of planning their activities, reminding them to entertain themselves, sign them up for numerous activities like the dive team, the polo team, the library club, a trip to Six Flags, and countless days up at the cottage. This being the first year experiencing full throttle "At Home Mom". I decided to spend the summer at home with my boys and Hot Husband (HH). Usually my command post is from my office desk now it's in the kitchen. Last year, the older one went to a two week day camp with some cousins and the little one stayed with a sitter, bless her soul, she was great. This year I am the entertainer, scheduler, planner, cook and taxi for two entire months. I'm a bit over whelmed to say the least. I find it easier at times dealing with adults, deciding budgets, meetings, etc. Call me a "Mom Wimp" but I'm new at this. I have some creative ideas to run by HH before going ahead with anything. But I know my resources will be put to the test with my boys. At the office, I can think on my feet, directing a staff and dealing with suppliers, I can handle disgruntled employees and a crisis in production all in the span of a morning. I am or should I say was married to my work and loved it. Now, I am married and at home. I am a full time at home mom. Check in with me in September to see any radical changes from staying at home, such as wearing an apron, Stepford Wive Syndrome or slightly deranged!!! As much as I'm looking forward to spending the summer with my children is as much I'm worried my boys will be bored, unmanageable or both. I know it's going to be fine. Actually, it's probably going to be one of the best summers we ever had. Four days to go!!!!

Father's Day

I kindly remember putting the finishing touches on my masterpieces, Father's Day cards. I loved crafts at school and at home. It transcending today, I own a glue gun! The thoughts and love I put into the cards were in the mere hope to get a "I love it, my dearest daughter with a big hug". The momentum built up in my mind for that moment when I gently handed over my dad his Father's Day card, present or both. I was lucky if he read it. not because he didn't love me but I was in line with many other siblings each wanting pretty much the same thing. I truly believe my dad looked at his children and often wondered where did they all come from aaaggghhhhh and it overwhelmed him. So there on a late Sunday afternoon, he sat in his chair like Santa in reverse as his children bestowed their gifts onto him. He was a man of few words, he would wring his hands together, chuckle and let his children fuss over him. That he loved. He was impatient, always looking for the easiest way to accomplish something which turned out to be cockamamie and seldom fruitful, his vocabulary consisted of every curse word known to man, he loved pickup trucks and dogs, he was a pack rat, he became a full time Dad when my Mom died and most of his children were grown, he made his way to the hospital for birth of both my boys, he was blunt as he was coy, he was loud as a lion as he was quiet as a mouse. He was smart, intuitive, a businessman, a towering man in stature who never let on how much he really knew. He was a good listener and the best possible father he could be. His approaches at times were silly but heartfelt. To avoid hurting his children's feeling rarely referred to his companion by name only by "Whactha ma call it". He was more of a Dad then I could have ever expected. He was my father who is here in spirit this year and who I cherish this year as I did last. I love my Dad and I miss him. Happy Father's Day Daddy.

Obama

I always wished to be born in the era of John F. Kennedy and Martin Luther King, to be part of the freedom movement, to be part of such a powerful liberating force. All through high school and college I wanted to be a hippie and travel the country and just be part of that era. I was born just as this was incredible time wrapped up. I heard the famous speeches and read a bit for a glimpse in the wonderment of JFK. And as a member of a minority I know what racism is, instinctively understanding and gravitating towards their messages. Still to this day when I hear either ones voice I am enthralled. I see what got a country up on its feet taking notice of their messages. They were powerful, non-threatening, they had charisma and inflection in their spoken words. And for all these reason and many more, a burning light of hope was left in the heart and souls of Americans. Today, I am so fortunate and grateful to be witness to another remarkable man I believe is just like Kennedy and King: Obama. There is a distinctive and powerful attraction in this man's message. He has a remarkable liking to these two famous leaders. Just his messages alone impacted America in the past year to win him the nomination of the Democratic National Party. He represents hope for all including me.

Lunch Date

Today, I have a lunch date with my hot husband and I am hoping HH has time to spare afterwards. Yes, I do want desert. I have to say since turning forty some hundreds of days ago my libido has gone into overdrive. Many heard the comment that your thirties is the best part of your sex life but I digress. The thirties were spent having babies and raising them. By time you got in that sweet place of lovemaking you were sooooo tired you obliged to keep our husband from going blind or some other ailment he was claiming. Now my boys are older and more self sufficient, I have more time for myself and definitely more rest. And my body has changed and I want sex quite often. Hot husband loves this!!! My choices of times and venues have changed too, at times putting a squirm in HH. Now he's the one with concerns over noise and venues. I tend to agree with him whole heartily in one area: older son I can hear everything MOM!!! There may be one time Older Son may have heard toooooo much. So now I take advantage of the times when there not home. With that lunch is nearing, gotta go. Have a good day, I know I will...............

What could you give up for a year?

What could I give up for a year? I could give up my job for a year and veg at home. I did it once when I abruptly lost my job. Yet I didn't veg, I couldn't. I felt guilty for sitting on my own couch. I believed constantly being "on" was the right thing to do. It felt like I was not permitted to relax and veg. Some of the guilt was that I was suddenly unemployed and should contribute somehow to our household. So I began a tirade of projects: painting half my home, organizing closets, gardening: planting way too many tomatoes and cleaning. You see, I am workaholic not driven by nature but I think by pure guilt of just about everything. I admitted this to my hot husband the other week and he quite quickly agreed with me. This time around the sans pas the guilt I could spend more time writing, take a artsy "fartsy" class or paint the other half of my home!!!

The things I could not give up for a year: sex, alcohol (not that I consume a lot but I do enjoy an occasional glass of wine), shopping and reading. What could you give up?

So much to say, so much time and space

One woman's spiel on the daily life is about me. I am a wife and mother of two school aged boys. Did I mention I have a hot husband? I do, I do!!



Years and years ago, maybe back in college I dreamed of having my own column to talk and write about anything or everything? Like that would happen! I thought how and who would let me write for their paper. I wrote for my college paper or just barely because I had so much fun at Homecoming the next day I could baely muster energy to get up and write a short two paragraph story for the publication deadline on Monday. I really impressed that professor. I mean seriously, I am not the most consistent person in the world. I remember thinking would this mean having the same job like forever? I did eventually early days after college and in university write for a local paper for extra cash and a great summer job. But then life happened and I was in a new place and new job. New ideas and new friends.



From my favorites: politics, spirituality or motherhood and now "wifehood" or things going on in the neighbourhood.