New Beginnings

If you asked me six months ago, even a year ago, where I would be today? In answering,   I would have not strayed far from the status quo. But here I am the day before July begins with new beginnings in most areas of my life. I am a creature of habit that does not stray far from my nest. I say that with pun intended as I watch two baby hummingbirds prepare to fledge any moment.  
I am flipping between writing this post and watching the webcam:   http://phoebeallens.com/ . In one breathe I am sad they are leaving home but in another I know it's time. New beginnings, just like the hummingbirds, are part of nature and the more you resist the better chance you'll end up in not a good place. So here I am on the eve of a new month, a new job, a few new friends and a new look. As difficult as it has been, I am finally embracing the changes and liking them too.
If someone whispered in my ear when I was young that my life would turn out much better than living a nightmare of a childhood, I probably would have thought they were lying because I could not imagine how it could get any better, really. But I sit here today light years away from that life and in a better place. Actually, I am tens of miles away from my childhood home, I live a life where there is no violence, no alcoholism, no yelling and no hiding. And I like it. 
My new beginnings also brought solitude, comfort and vanishing eczema that plagued me for years and up until recently was really getting bad, I suspect it was stress related. Then as I shed the past from my present and definitely from my future the eczema, anxiety and stress all seemed to disappear. It's a new beginning, like Joplin and Heather, the two baby Channel Hummingbirds ready to fledge. 
Life is free, enjoy.

Happy Father’s Day

The best memory of my dad was his love of the outdoors and how during the summer up at the cottage, we went fishing. Not just to any fishing spot, my dad had the secret spots that were to net us foot long Brook Trout. We would comb through the thick northern Canadian brush and make our way down an enormous cliff to stand in a small opening to the brook below. 


Once, Cece, my younger sister tagged along at my insistence and as we wiggled our way through the brush my dad right behind us. Suddenly, he slipped on a moss covered rock and flew past us on his descent landing on his secret spot. He said every cuss word in the cuss word dictionary as he managed to stand up. My sister and I hid our giggles as best we could. I don't even remember if we caught anything that day because it was an occasion we got to spend time alone with him, something seldom garnered at home in a family of nine children.

My dad was the great outdoorsman. He loved to fish and hunt all year round. Each year he would get tons of gifts related to fishing and hunting. Camouflage shirts, hats, jackets, socks, fishing gear. One year someone gave him the dancing wall mounted fish from an info-commercial. He was a man's man rarely showing emotion and not one to hug. He showed his love in other ways. Like when I had my first child, he showed up at the hospital on Christmas day to welcome a new grandchild but found me still in labour. My dad couldn't whisper, he couldn't speak low, his whisper was somebody else's regular tone. He cornered my older sister and stated "how long is she going to take?" This from a father of nine! I laughed and my husband just looked at me, not venturing to comment.

Just when I underestimated how much my dad cared, he surprised me. After I had my second child he showed up at my house with presents in tow to greet his newest grandson, who I named after him. I loved my dad so much and miss him on Father's day.  I can hold in my heart that I was blessed to have him in my life so long. Cheers to you, Dad.

Adult Bullying

I don't think there is any difference in childhood bullying than in adulthood. Bullies use intimidation and fear to get what they want from someone. But what I know about bullies, firsthand, is that in most cases they are more fearful than you are. 

I know this because most of my childhood was spent at the hand of bullies. Like most schools and neighbourhoods, there is always a bully around. In my case, there was a family on the next block that raised a bunch of bullies. Rarely did you wander down their street and it was hell when the bus stop was closer to their house than ours. I was not their only victim. Anybody, girl or boy that could be frightened was picked on. Most of this occurred on the bus ride to and from school. 

Let's call my bully Molly. Molly was the same age and in all my classes. She ruled by fear and intimidation on a daily basis. But that all changed in grade eight when Molly changed my desk and put hers in the midst of my friends. I came back from recess to see my desk pushed to the side. I used every ounce of courage I had and moved my desk back. When she came back into the class her desk was in it's normal spot. She tried and tried to move to my spot, most of the day. I suspect she was a little jealous not being in my group of friends. By lunch, I could not take her bully anymore, so I said to her that I would beat her up after school. 

Word of our impending fight spread like wild fire. By days' end, our bus was over loaded with students coming to watch Molly knock my lights out. When we got off at our stop, the entire bus unloaded. I went right up to her and she begged me not to fight with her. She said her mom told her she was not allowed to fight. "Ha" I said "that didn't stop you all these years" then I smacked her face and pushed her to the ground. She got up crying and ran home. That was the last time I seen Molly at school. One day, as we were settling in from recess our class door flew open and with a screaming woman, it was Molly's mom. She was distraught and yelling obscenities at me. She blamed me for Molly quitting school. That was the day the bullying stopped forever. I am not sure if it's because I stood up to Molly or people were terrified of having a parent storm the school, again. 

Flash forward to today, my son and I went to my hometown and stopped for an ice cream, when we walked in Molly was there too. She doesn't frighten me, actually she's a bit standoffish when we do met in public. I suspect she relives the moment when she sees me. I am cordial and polite. As my son and I got in the car I told him that was Molly. As he gave me a surprised look, I said "yes, she's a real person. I bet you thought I made her up?" He replied "Nooooo."

Then today, I realized someone is trying to bully me now, at 46 years old. I had all the symptoms of stress and I could not quite get to the bottom of it. Until, I remembered running into Molly the other day. Oh yes, I was being bullied by a relative to make a decision that was right for them, not for me. All the usual bullying techniques were used and I resisted all of them until a couple of days ago when I allowed it to get to me. Aha, I thought, for sure it's bullying and I am not falling for it one moment longer. But as an adult, I am not about to go and slap someone, it's not necessary, just realizing that they are very fearful is comforting enough. As an adult, I can handle it in adult ways like contacting the authorities should it persist. But it's comforting to know not to give into the fear bullies count on to get their way. Enjoy your day, it's so wonderful to be free of fear.

Mondays :)

Good Monday morning. This is the way the week should always begin. The weekend netted me two full night's sleep, nine hours each time, something that I have not had in months and I woke rested and energized. Plus I got on the scale to see I am not 10 pounds, yes 10 pounds lighter. I owe this to lemon juice before meals and thank Tim Ferris from the "Four Hour Body" for that excellent tip.

My day continues to get better as the minutes pass. I am now off to sign up for some yoga classes and a full body massage pour moi. Happy Monday.

Cancelling spree

I spent the morning readjusting home life to reflect our needs. I cancelled an outdated subscription for long distance services. Who really needs it? Today, Skype is free and in my neck of the woods you can now get unlimited long distance for five bucks a month. I did this for other minor things too.

Then I texted my husband "on a cancelling spree, not a spending spree, lol" This has to be one of the top things men love to hear and I know I made his day.

I just don't know how to break it to him that I already have plans on what to do with all the money I am saving, lol.

Reinventing Myself

I am updating my resume and prepping for upcoming interviews and I thought oh sh@# how am I going to explain the past ten years on my resume. It's not like I was a stay-at-home mom, which I would have loved to do. But I did tend to immature adults and many tantrum throwing men and a few women, too. There were many days it felt like I worked with children but you cannot tell a potential employer this, no more than you can bad mouth former bosses.

Then this thought came to me:  when asked what I did for the past ten years, I would reply "worked for family" and the interviewer would ask "why didn't you include it on your resume?" I will respond politely with "because it took me ten years to learn not to work for family!"

Have a great day.