Adult Bullying

I don't think there is any difference in childhood bullying than in adulthood. Bullies use intimidation and fear to get what they want from someone. But what I know about bullies, firsthand, is that in most cases they are more fearful than you are. 

I know this because most of my childhood was spent at the hand of bullies. Like most schools and neighbourhoods, there is always a bully around. In my case, there was a family on the next block that raised a bunch of bullies. Rarely did you wander down their street and it was hell when the bus stop was closer to their house than ours. I was not their only victim. Anybody, girl or boy that could be frightened was picked on. Most of this occurred on the bus ride to and from school. 

Let's call my bully Molly. Molly was the same age and in all my classes. She ruled by fear and intimidation on a daily basis. But that all changed in grade eight when Molly changed my desk and put hers in the midst of my friends. I came back from recess to see my desk pushed to the side. I used every ounce of courage I had and moved my desk back. When she came back into the class her desk was in it's normal spot. She tried and tried to move to my spot, most of the day. I suspect she was a little jealous not being in my group of friends. By lunch, I could not take her bully anymore, so I said to her that I would beat her up after school. 

Word of our impending fight spread like wild fire. By days' end, our bus was over loaded with students coming to watch Molly knock my lights out. When we got off at our stop, the entire bus unloaded. I went right up to her and she begged me not to fight with her. She said her mom told her she was not allowed to fight. "Ha" I said "that didn't stop you all these years" then I smacked her face and pushed her to the ground. She got up crying and ran home. That was the last time I seen Molly at school. One day, as we were settling in from recess our class door flew open and with a screaming woman, it was Molly's mom. She was distraught and yelling obscenities at me. She blamed me for Molly quitting school. That was the day the bullying stopped forever. I am not sure if it's because I stood up to Molly or people were terrified of having a parent storm the school, again. 

Flash forward to today, my son and I went to my hometown and stopped for an ice cream, when we walked in Molly was there too. She doesn't frighten me, actually she's a bit standoffish when we do met in public. I suspect she relives the moment when she sees me. I am cordial and polite. As my son and I got in the car I told him that was Molly. As he gave me a surprised look, I said "yes, she's a real person. I bet you thought I made her up?" He replied "Nooooo."

Then today, I realized someone is trying to bully me now, at 46 years old. I had all the symptoms of stress and I could not quite get to the bottom of it. Until, I remembered running into Molly the other day. Oh yes, I was being bullied by a relative to make a decision that was right for them, not for me. All the usual bullying techniques were used and I resisted all of them until a couple of days ago when I allowed it to get to me. Aha, I thought, for sure it's bullying and I am not falling for it one moment longer. But as an adult, I am not about to go and slap someone, it's not necessary, just realizing that they are very fearful is comforting enough. As an adult, I can handle it in adult ways like contacting the authorities should it persist. But it's comforting to know not to give into the fear bullies count on to get their way. Enjoy your day, it's so wonderful to be free of fear.