Moving On!

What a year in the books.  After a long and at times torturous relationship with my husband, I pulled the plug.  In doing so, I altered the direction of my life, for the good.  Bliss is the emotion that comes to mind!!  I once heard that you choose the exact life you want and not quite understanding it until I realized it.  I chose to remain in a marriage that lacked love, compassion, companionship and trust.

Bliss

I fooled myself for years into believing if I could get to next week, until the boys grew up, when I had greater job security, when, when, when, when.  I spent years living the "Good Wife", being beside a man I didn't love anymore and trusted no further than the tip of my nose. I believed staying in a bad marriage was better than being a single parent to two wonderful boys.
But things began to change when I could no longer listen to myself, when I could no longer hold up the facade and when I realized things would never be right in my marriage.  It was lopsided, with me holding it together. To blame is irresponsible because I was a participant in the union of two people. II once overheard a male colleague tell a male client, that he had the best of both world "I have a someone who cooks for me, someone who always keeps my clothes clean and someone to take care of my children," he added, "man, that's all you need in life, knowing someone was tending to your home."  It was then, I understood why my husband stuck around.
Once, I garnered the courage to take control of my life, I told him I wanted a divorce.  I could not be happier and looking forward to the future of being on my own.
That was my past year.

A Tribute to my Mom

The things I remember about my mom was her incredible sense of humor, often doing silly things if we had friends over.  Or playing practical jokes on her friends.  She loved to laugh and her smile was infectious.  She taught me how to shop and find the deals while still looking stylish, taking me to some of the city's best kept secret shops for shoes and dresses. She did her hair the old fashion way with pin curls instead of a curling iron.  Her favorite cookie and ice cream was maple flavoured and loved fries with white vinegar. Her favorite thing to do with her daughters was sit and read while we combed her hair pretending to be a hair salon, sometimes letting me use a curling iron. She had a large mole at the hairline on her forehead that I would sometimes bump with the brush.  She loved to read, something I inherited from her. She sang in the church choir with her best friend and loved to talk on the phone.  She drove stick shift and loved Sunday drives with her mom.  She was a non-drinker but loved coffee.  And she was an awful cook, spaghetti was not her strong suit and often she burned the pancakes.  And she was always running late. She was kind of incredible raising a large family on her own.

My mom, last one on the left circa 1984.

After the divorce, she found her purpose in the local school board and devoted all her time to serving in various capacities.  As her reputation grew, she became involved in local politics and often traveled the world to speak on Indigenous culture.  The last birthday card I got from her arrived from Switzerland in the summer of 1986 and it would be the last.  Later that fall she went to Holland with my brother, her last trip ever.  She came home in late October and by the following month she was diagnosed with lung cancer and died the following spring.

Not a day goes by without thinking of her and then there is the number of times I tell my boys about her.  "Your grandmother loved this, you remind me of your grandmother and she would be so proud of you."A couple of months ago I met my mom's aunt at a business function and stopped to say hello. Her aunt was the same age as her and they grew up like sisters, as we were talking the woman began to cry, shaking her head and saying how much I looked like her and I could tell she missed her too. I felt so incredible proud to have been her daughter in that moment and if at the end of any day you can feel that it's a tribute to your mom.  Happy Mother's Day.