Time flies when your not paying attention

I remember like it was yesterday. Now don't say you heard that before because I KNOW the odds are in your favor . But it was only yesterday that I wished the day my boys slept past 7 am and now it's here. Not quite how I wished it. That wish came from a sleep deprived mother of two young boys who spent the past 24 hours doing late night diaper changes, making bottles, soothing a sick baby, reading bedtime stories and rocking my boys to bed. All the while thinking I would rather be somewhere else.

Admittedly, I did not take to the baby years as well as others who could not think of any other place to be. I projected my thoughts on what it would be like when my boys were one month, two months, six months, a year usually as I breastfed my little one at three in the morning and yearned more sleep. My youngest brought out my impatience more than the first.

Committed to breastfeeding for six weeks, I counted the days and on his sixth week birthday, I celebrated. Always in a rush for the next step. In the book on what to expected in the baby years, I read ahead months at a time, relishing the new age and the new things my sons would do one day. Truly relishing the future not enjoying the present. Contrasting the changes to occur as my little one lay in my arms, I did not realize it at the time but I was in a rush for no particular reason than to be in a rush and to experience each stage of their little life well informed. I thought, knowing what to expect in the next six months if not just to stay on top of my boys life ideally was what mothers did.

It's now 9 am and my two boys are still sleeping, far from the need of diapers changes or Pablum. They are in need of sleep and rest for the day ahead of swimming, playing outside and from the expended energy yesterday. So here I sit, my home is quiet and I am lonely for their company, their presence, their voices and endless chattering. Sometimes, I quietly enter their rooms to check on them for no other reason than to spend a bit of time with them, even if they are asleep.

So I am no longer in a rush but cherish each moment. No longer reading books on what to expected in the teenage years. I just take each day as it comes and boy it's great.

The Ex Files

Yesterday, I heard a wonderful story of a friend and her ex going on vacation with their children for two whole weeks. Divorced for over ten years, the remarkable thing is that their children are young adults and it was a road trip.

Wow, I admire her experience and told her to share it because not many exes can do this. Some are amicable in the prescience of the children and that usually ends as they become adults. Some cannot bear to even be in each others company let alone drive around the country for two weeks.

I just think this is great. You are not only showing your children civility but the power of family despite being divorced. Poster exes for the masses.

Smile today because you can.

T.M.I.

When is too much information too much. I ask this after more than I bargained from an old college friend. Are there rules that govern how much information to share with others?

Courage

Courage. Such a tangible asset and the markings of great personal strength. I am similar in a way to the lion in Alice in Wonderland. In that, the perception people have of me is that I am a fearless creature but really I lack courage at times. Expect, that is, today. Courage came to me loud and clear and I took full advantage of it. And boy did it feel great.

Courage escapes me when it comes to speaking up for myself in emotional relationships. Not so much in business but in emotional issues, I melt inside. Like this morning, courage spoke about what I want in life and boy it was easier than I thought.

This is not to say, things will work entirely in my favor but the courage it took to put it out there is what I am celebrating. Here's to you: courage. :)

Miracles

Just when you think there are no miracles, life surprises you. Like this morning, most of the Western world learned of the two journalists released from North Korea. Whatever angle you look at it a miracle was produced to get them home.

Miracles come in all shapes and sizes.

I am happy and grateful to live in the free world.

Are we too hard on ourselves

I ask you: are we too hard on ourselves? Yes, I think I am. Today, I ran into a woman the same age as me and she looked terrific. Too curious, I asked her secret with a reply I only heard so many times in the past couple of months. The latest diet fad: Herbal Magic.

She smiles truly proud of her accomplishment of dropping 50 pounds, accepts the compliments and brims proudly. I tell you that's the fifth person I ran into in the past month who dropped in excess of 30lbs. Now, I will let out a little tidbit of information on me, in the past 2 1/2 years I put on 20lbs and feel quiet fat about it. Clothes are tight and snug, my sleep is affected and most of all my morale is down. And I am running out of clothes that fit properly. So, I am on an eating plan with low carbs and a little bit of exercise. But it sounds almost too inviting not to try.

A perfect size nine most of my adult life, I swayed only one size from that after my first child, and only slightly off track with my second. I ate right and exercised when my schedule allowed. Four years ago, I quit smoking and believed I would gain weight and did. Then I stopped watching my eating habits and ate anything I wanted. The result: 20lbs and a lot of great clothes sitting in my closet waiting for me to wear. Is that being hard on myself. I am a size 12 and feel fat.

Are we too hard on our self image? Why do we feel we must be a certain size and look a certain way. Well, mostly it's our self imposed perception and expectations we fall victim too. Is there a day we hear women stating how they want to feel or look? It's everywhere and at times inundating if we allow it. I just think we are too hard on ourselves, putting expectation of how we should look and feel. And we need to learn most of the time life is fine and we are great no matter what size or shape we have.

I think instead of beating ourselves up, we should be proactive in our self image and perceptions of ourselves. Make our own definitions. Imagine mainstream media reported size 12 to size 20 was optimal size for women. That would put a smile on most women's faces. Hah. I say just be yourself no matter what shape or size you are.