Birthdays

Is it just me or do most women over 40 feel the same way about birthdays as they do about, let's say, going to the dentist? With another one under the belt this past week, there was little build up to it. I marvelled birthdays past but now with each passing year it reminds me of this analogy a friend said years ago: "Double your age, when we turn 20 we can easily see ourselves at 40, at 30 we can easily see ourselves at 60, 40 is somewhat different, seeing ourselves at 80 is tricky." That puts things into perspective.

This year, I bought my own cake, hot husband with instructions in hand did not buy me anything after the costly microwave repair I took as a birthday present. Imagine, I choose an appliance as a birthday present, this says much. In keeping with the festive mood, the cake made it ways onto the forks of my always hungry boys and the only lingering thought of my birthday was the cards on my table from the boys.

Hot husband gave me a silly card of love, when opened a couple moved and the husband dipped his wife and kissed her. I opened it once and the couple became unglued, falling to the floor. I wondered, is this a sign.

Birthdays were a big deal to me. My mom made me one birthday party when I turned seven. I got a new blue bike and as I went to make my wish, my younger sister blew out my candle. Hence my fascination with birthdays, my sister can attest to it. By the end of the summer my bike made it into the hands of my brother and his friends for parts. Growing up I imagined finding a spouse who would throw me surprise parties to show his undying love for me. For years I would secretly wishing coming home to a surprise birthday party, with my house filled with friends. It didn't happen but a girl can dream. Hot husband is not a party planner but he can throw a very intimate dinner for two together on occasion. I just made an excuse for my husband, ugh.

Birthdays also signified a new beginning, a year ahead filled with hope. That this would be the year things come together, finally. Full of hope and a little fear that things would remain the same. I am not quite sure of what I wanted to change or gain but it was there. I put a lot of stock in birthdays probably as much as people put into New Years resolutions. In my early twenties, I purchased all the magazines for the birthday horoscopes. At times, grudgingly rereading them months later to discover my life swayed in different directions. Hence, birthdays.

Since turning forty, by the way, I threw my own party and celebrated the big 4-0 in style. Birthdays took on a whole new life or lack their of. Sneakingly suspicious, I did an informal poll amongst 40-45ish women and discover my neurosis on birthdays was actually quite prevalent among the group. I summed it up to the next big one is 50, which is the new 30 and I have ever intention of soaking those years up too. So for all those celebrating, I mean just having another birthday, happy one. :)