It's been a while......

It's has been quite a number of days since I posted any items due to the lack of time, hmmm. My day begins quite early or used too. Normally, I am up just before six am, shower, let my hair air dry somewhat. My hair is very thick and takes 15 minutes to blow dry so I shower early and let it room dry so by time I make my way to dress and fancy up for the day, it takes only five minutes to blow dry. Since leaving my job last year, my routine morphed into a late sleeper, 7 am, at best leaving little or no time to write in blissful peace and quiet. Once 7:30 rolls around the boys are up and Hot Husband is on his way to work. Some days I am out the door with the boys. As most moms know life is quite hectic between 4pm and 9pm with preparing dinner, homework, baths, laundry, the list goes on. By time I have time to myself it's 9:30pm, 10pm. I tried a couple of times to write in bed with my laptop or note pad to no avail, my eyes slowly close, nodding off several times before calling it quits and going to bed.

So I am basically blaming my busy life as a mom and wife, aaagghhhh. That reminds me of Miranda in the Sex in the City movie, using her career, her son and her husband as an excuse for her woes.

But it's not only that, there are times when everything is perfect except the words and ideas do not flow. So, today, I am going to look for ways to stay motivated and find time during my day to jot down some of my ideas.

New Year's Resolutions: Bah Humbug

Not one for making or keeping a New Year's Resolution because they set you up for failure. Many, many years ago with good intentions my list of resolutions made it into my journal. Wholeheartedly and wishful thinking, I put admirable and at best unachievable goals like lose 20 pounds by Valentine's Day. Uggg, 20 pounds less would put me in the hospital. Or dump the cheating boyfriend, find a boyfriend. Or quit smoking. Or fit into a size eight tight fit CK jeans. All unrealistic and doomed to fail except maybe the cheating boyfriend.

I did eventually quit smoking without a New Year's resolution and I did lose the 20 pounds only to get them back in my forties. It is not to say do not try, by all means do. It's been said the more times tried any one particular goal eventually will lead to success. Like changing your career, how doing you know it will succeed? You don't. We all need goals in much of anything we do, however; with all the hype that starting a new year with a list of them don't you think it's a bit much. Start a goal anytime of the year. I quit smoking in the month of August with no much fanfare but a deep rooted determination. I lost 30 pounds before, during and after the holidays and dumped the cheating boyfriend in the fall of 1988.

Any day is a good day to achieve a goal. New Year's can be one of them but there are 364 other days to choose from too.

Happy Holidays

As the holiday rush comes to an end, all last minute gifts and errands done or so I hope so, why not reflect on the past year. With the loss of my dad I gained maturity. With a marriage to my longtime love I gained a husband, whom I love with all my heart. My boys are one year older. This time 13 years ago, we traveled to spend Christmas with my family in the Northeast only to travel back hours later when my water broke exactly at midnight Christmas Eve. Two days later my son was born, yes I said two days later on Boxing Day.

The biggest change for the better is me. In the span of a year, I matured into a woman. Someone I sought for a long time but who was there all along. I am happy and a heck of a lot smarter. I love me. This coming year is going to be great for my career which appears to be heading in the right direction, my boys are healthy and my husband is terrific. A girl could ask for no more but I will. As we welcome Christmas this year I am filled with gratitude for my wonderful family, my health and the health of my family, our home and life. Have a wonderful holiday from me with tons of love.

Pet Peeve #2: I'm just saying.......

"I'm just saying..................." ranks second in my list of pet peeves. Please say it rather than just saying it. This morning in two seperate occasions I heard "I'm just saying.............." annoying me. Really, instead of taking the back door to your making a point and hiding behind the "I'm just saying..." speak up and say what's on your mind. We are too politically correct today muffling the real intent of our message. So instead of just, be confident enough to put forth your view.

Barack Obama

Today as I retrieved my car keys from the parking attendants, one asked if I was of Middle East descent. I smiled, lifted my sunglasses and asked if I indeed still looked Middle Eastern and both men nodded yes. Aside from the "you're so beautiful" comments today, tally being 3 so far, amused I chuckled for being mistaken for someone else. For the shy girl from a small town to a woman told she was beautiful not once but three times in one day, it felt good. As I enjoyed the banter amongst the parking attendants, I revealed to them that I was, in fact, not Middle Eastern but Native American. The guy handing me the keys said it was a great day to be an American. The other said “God Bless America” and remarked, "It's a good day for America, now people around the world are a little less apprehensive towards America.” He gently touched my arm saying “they’re reputation is not good in many places, you know.” Both men, I learned were European: one Kurdish from Georgia/Russia and the other Middle Eastern. As I walked to my car, the Turkish attendant continued to comment on how great Obama won the election and how his presidency would change the world. Like me, Barack Obama represents hope and change for people around the world not only in the United States, in particular minorities. His win last night touched the hearts in the global community and sent a message of optimism in our trying times. I drove away smiling and waving to the gentlemen feeling the same sentiment. God Bless us all.

Silver Linings

There is a notion called a “Silver Lining” meaning when something goes wrong or something bad happens, something good comes out of it. Today, as I drove home on the freeway, I reminded myself of this notion. Moments earlier, I stepped out of a meeting that didn’t go as planned, a proposal I waited for almost a year to present did not meet the approval I hoped. In the first ten minutes or so, I maintained my composure, smiled and politely thanked people for their time. Thirty minutes later, clutching the steering wheel, my mind raced looking for answers and the notion of a “Silver Lining” popped into my head. Aha, I thought, there is a “Silver Lining” in all this. Instead calling a colleague to complain, I convinced myself the “Silver Lining" lures in the unknown, it’s here, close, nearby, I can almost put my finger on it. Maybe not today or tomorrow but soon the “Silver Lining” will show up, probably when I least expect it. It could be my time will be so consumed with other more important projects leaving no time for new ones or I’ll be on vacation for an extended period of time in Hawaii with my family. Maybe, this time next week my column will go in syndication leaving little time for anything else. Whatever the case, I am feeling much better already.

The Ex and the Obituary

The Ex and the obituary. One day during another animated day of revelation chit chat with Ria, the Queen of BJ's, I asked if her ex-husband was still alive. Why did I query her exes mortality? In recent conversations his name came up as an wife abuser, drug addicted, alcoholic, loser, etc. Get the picture. A not so nice guy. A life so fuel infested with trouble cannot sustain a healthy existence and I wondered aloud if he was alive? Like the movie "Enough" or "Sleeping with the Enemy" the bad guy gets his due in the end, to the delight of women everywhere, especially those abused women. With this in mind, I figured this guy met his demise.

She chuckled with her shoulders and she replied in her witty and affable demeanor: "Everyday I read the obituaries and have not come across his name yet." For a woman of sixty-five who married at sixteen and had five children by twenty-two and divorced the same year, she is by far the wittiest person that came across my plate. She is a chapter onto herself.

The Ex and the obituary. Or instead of op-ed called it op-dead for First Wives clubs. Reading the obituaries will never be the same.

Patricia Mary Shelly, the neighbor from hell

The other day without notice my ugly nosy imposing neighbor showed up uninvited. Every time I see this lady she gets on my nerves, under my skin and puts me in a foul mood. It's not until it's past the point of overstaying her welcome does she depart. The remains of her visit are tension that you can cut with a knife and a slew of unkind remarks, mostly directed at Hot Husband. Not only does she criticize everything he does but at times is even short with my boys. If she is particularly feisty she picks on my sisters. This woman is unrelenting and she comes around monthly. Before I realize it, she is spinning out of control in my home. For the longest time her unexpected visits took me by surprise. Only while cleaning up the emotional debris she left behind did I figure her out.

Better equipped to tackle her, the moment she is in the vicinity I let Hot Husband know and pop a couple of Midols. Her name is PMS or Patricia or Mary or Shelly. Her name is not what matters, it's her onslaught of emotional yo-yo"ing" she puts me through. In my twenties and even my early thirties Patricia Mary Shelly didn't visit often. The times she graced me with her presence were subdued compared to now. For the past five years or so, Patricia Mary Shelly reeks havoc once a month in my home. From hot to cold emotions, self-pity episodes to chocolate craving, PMS creeps up and visits for one to three days, always uninvited. Only close to her departure do I realize the havoc she causes. I promise Hot Husband advance notice when she visits but most times she's unexpectedly arrives.

To combat her intrusiveness I focus on the present constantly reminding myself she visits only once a month. Recognizing some of the symptoms early helps too. As many can attest the real issue is that ugly neighbor Patricia Mary Shelly shows up unexpected and uninvited, sometimes instantly, leaving little room for preparation. Lately I am able to shorten her visits and lessen her spew by checking the calendar and being vigilant with positive thoughts and a keen sense of awareness. And Midol. Have a great day.

BJ's

I only encountered two women who truly enjoy giving blow jobs and proud of it. One is fictional, Samantha Jones from Sex In The City and Ria, an old employee I ran into today. Samantha Jones loves giving head. I remember tuning into Sex in the City years ago to see what all the hype was about only to watch her give a blow job. I gave the show another try only to find Samantha below the belt again. Queasy and a little uncomfortable I tuned out until the last season of the show. The prude in me came out. Today, as a group of women from twenty to sixty five years of age chatted, Ria spoke candidly about her genuine pleasure in giving head. Initially, a little taken back but not as prudish, I listen as she narrated her sexual habits to us. Looking around for us to add in, I mentioned to Ria my sex life was private and not for sharing but by all means continue. My image of her shattered on this late blossoming fall day and I let her know it. Once thought of as meek and gentle now turned into 60 year old version Samantha Jones. She went on to tell how she got a free pizza on a bet. This one I am not kidding came straight from her mouth.... At a house party years ago, the group decided to order pizza and she bet it would be free. As the pizza arrived she answered the door nude to the stunned delivery boy's delight, explaining she didn't having any money on hand. He nervously fidgeted from foot to foot, she offered to give him a blow job in exchange for the pizza, caught completely off guard he put his hands up in despair, declined her offer, gave her free pizza and left. She won the bet and went on the give head to the host. To the delight of most men, blow jobs are one of the ultimate sexual pleasures. For women I imagine it's like doing the laundry, it sucks, literally, but someone has to do it. For a lot of us it's a great bargaining tool!

Best Teacher Ever

Do you have a favorite teacher? National Teachers Day always makes me think of my past teachers and the favorite ones. I have many, my grade two teacher Mrs. Montour, my grade five Mrs. Goodleaf, my coolest ninth grade Ms. McInerny, my tenth Mr. Mills, the list goes on. But the best teacher is one who gave me the piece of advice: "Keep it short, people like short and sweet" and "You can do anything you want as long as you put your mind to it." Her impact on me spans my lifetime, she is my mom. One of the wisest women of her era, many would agree. She told me things at a young age I didn't want to understand and made choices for me I thought were cruel at the time. But here I am keeping things short and sweet and finally realizing when I put my mind to it I can do anything. Thanks mom.

Get out of your own way!!!

As Wall Street tumbles and world markets shake, I recall a speech Warren Buffet gave at an east coast university years ago: "Everybody here has the ability to do anything I do and much beyond. Some of you will, and some of you won't. For those who won't, it will be because you get in your own way, not because the world doesn't allow you to." He basically says "get out of your own way" and I wonder if that's the case today. Are we a generation in our own way?

Picking sides..........

I think one of the worst things to realize we unintentionally pick sides with our children. This morning as I car pool boys to school for an early Ultimate Frisbee practice (Really, I'll get to ridiculous sports one day soon, promise) my boys fight over radio stations and who’s turn it is. For the first five minutes, I take in all the bickering and use my proven fairness technique of "The Five Minute Rule". The “Five Minute Rule” enacted this summer to instill fairness among my boys and maintain my sanity in our hour-long ride to the cottage. Two minutes into the rule the Red, older one, unfasten his seat belt in a moving vehicle to change channels. His irate behavior is noticeable in his face as he leans into the front seat to switch channels. Oh course I freak out and advise him to buckle up. Somewhere is this little skirmish transference occurs and I am the irate referee not car-pool mom. Firm and authoritative I drive the endless meandering streets of our small city on route to school. Red attempts on more than one occasion to blow off the rule and use his encyclopedia of reasoning and whining to get Top 20 on 20 on the airwaves. Unintentionally, I pick sides with my little one barking back to Red five minutes is not up knowing were into minute seven. Ugh. Only after the hundredth stop sign did the thought cross my mind I am choosing sides here. Hit me with the red bricks of his school, poor Eli, our carpool boy, must endure Red's mom so early in the morning. Busted. I pick sides by letting my little one listen to his 24/7 Emergency Alert channel for twice as long. Unintentionally though? Or so I think. Red is right all along when he cries I pick sides, admittedly not always for the same son. This morning I unintentionally do it again. Or was it intentional? Whatever the case I sit for a moment in the drop off lane and question my motives. No sooner, did it register, the doors fly open, book bags moving and the boys depart. Quickly, exiting the car and I trail behind them feeling like a heel. What a terrible mom I am? How could I pick side with my own kids? I did this with Hot Husband too. He brings it to my attention often enough. Is it fair to pick sides with your own children? I can see how easier it is with other children but with my own, ugh. This is something I will not share with my boys but intend on fixing. As a wise elder once said “some things are better left unsaid” and I plead the fifth when my sanity depends on it. Have a great day…