A Doe's Version

Starchy!

2012-01-27T10:18:00.000-05:00

Is it not sad the only thing on my mind this morning was how could I starch my shirt without starch. How sad is that? So, I let the impulse get the better of me and Googled until I found a recipe. For those of you needing to know this, not, here it is anyway:

1 tablespoon of corn starch
2 cups of cold water
essential oil (optional)

Mix corn starch and water until dissolved, mixture will turn murky which is ideal.
Add essential oil for fragrance (optional)
Pour in spray bottle
Shake well with each use
Lightly spray over clothing then iron away.

That's what was on my mind today as I pack my son's clothing for Cub camp and decide whether to jump back under the cover on this second day of my period when the cramps are bad. Starching triumphed my very inviting bed.

What else is on my mind? A shit load of negative crap that I carry around like people carry bank cards. The rest of my day will be spent working from my home office now that I have homemade starch.

How's the book coming along you ask? Pretty shitty right now. It's haunting me. Every time I reread the first chapter, I hear the inner critic bash it, commas and all. So until that f&%*ing critic goes on holiday I refuse to open it, even though I have a self imposed deadline of eight weeks. Tally-ho chaps.

Kodak and me

2012-01-19T09:12:00.001-05:00

The inventor of the camera files for bankruptcy today in Rochester, New York. Founded in 1892 by George Eastman, Kodak brought photos in to our lives first in black and white and later in color. So how could a 120 year company fall to its knees? What struck me was how the mighty fall and how no one including Kodak is off the hook from failure or change. This reminded me how volatile life is and that our perceptions really stamp out our future. Like a picture that captures a moment in time, it's how we perceive events that really mark our future. And this reminded me of my descent.

For years, I thought my life was a complete disaster in all ways. It began the summer I quit one of the most stressful jobs I ever had. I worked in a construction office where one day my boss was there and the next day he was in jail. I was not bombarded by press or police but family and I do not know what is worse. But when it's the people who you thought you could trust really move the earth beneath you. It was here that marked my slide into unemployment and self-doubt.

As I beat myself up at the fact I chose to work for this company, unbeknownst to me, a not so nice guy I questioned all my decisions and actions that lead to this. As I did this, things around me began to fall apart and I spent the summer beating myself up. I put on weight and a very negative outlook and the spiral just continued. When my son failed to get into one of the most sought after private schools, I blame myself for not spending more time with him and his studies. I left no part of myself unscathed.

How does this relate to Kodak, today, while I can admit this trek into beating myself up and being unnaturally hard on myself, I can say shit happens and you must learn from it and go on. Simply that. Don't lull or fret over how things could be different, just make them different. Change your perspective, even if you have to imagine it. Do whatever it takes to move on quickly, I took my time examining each and every decision I made that lead me to end up working for a shady guy. As I spent days, months and a year in my head, I lost touch with what really matter: Life.

Kodak will restructure and pull through bankruptcy by not holding onto things that didn't work in the past, as did I. I will admit cutting the chains that anchored me to the past were difficult and painful but even more rewarding and fulfilling. Gone on with your day.

Lynn Samuels

2012-01-08T10:48:00.001-05:00

One day while driving I turned on Sirius to channel 107 to listen as I drove somewhere in late summer. I heard this screeching Brooklyn accent of a woman cussing and talking real fast about politics and taking callers. Over time, I became a listener of Lynn Samuels; I will be the first to say she was the type some needed to time to acquire a taste for. For instance, the time I tuned in as she ranted on and on about Obama, not in the mood for politico bashing I tuned her out.

But like wine, the more I tried the more I liked. It was not so much her politics as it was her wit and the fact she spoke like a sailor that entertained me. She made me laugh as I drove around on the weekends and captivated my interests on her broad range of subjects. It was then I learned a little about her: from the Bronx she had a long career on WABC in New York before landing at Sirius on America Left about eight years ago. Always a raunchy left wing on air personality, Ms Samuels apparently hit a few too many hot buttons at WABC that lead to her being fired twice. One time she complained about Sirius regulating her to Stars channel 107 on weekends and let me tell you she was not happy. I thought that in itself would she here fired but she was back the following week onto a new subject.

One of my first runs with Lynn Samuels on Sirius made me chuckle as she cussed her opinion about the Republicans and the last show I caught was her take on looking for a place in Arizona. Like I said, she was new to me in 2011 and I grew to like her and today on this Sunday morning Ms Samuels is missed. Maybe I'll tuned into Gayle King on CBS morings.

2011 Occupy Me

2011-12-31T09:15:00.001-05:00

The past year had to be one of the most humbling in my life and showed its unwilling participant, me, what life is really about. And when I was not ready to face it, life found a way to come and kick me into gear. I am not the same person anymore, 2011 profoundly changed me like no other year. Like Occupy Wall Street, I occupied change or I should say change occupied me. I can tell you nothing that I wished for last New Year's Eve came true, instead Murphy's Law of Wishing ignited a firestorm that almost derailed me.

Would I change this year? No way. Despite the pain, it was all worth it, all of it. I am now a better person and truly living with integrity and pride, those my dear cannot be replaced with money, material things or not so good people. 2011 had a way of putting me in my place whether I wanted to or not. Not to brag but I have a new career that I love and loves me. I made a few new friends and love my family.

Saint Kateri Tekakwitha

2011-12-19T15:42:00.001-05:00

Kateri Tekakwitha was officially named a saint today by Pope Benedict, although the process is not complete, the people of Kahnawake, Quebec where Kateri lies entombed, waited for over 31 years to hear the great news. For the small community on the south shore of Montreal, Quebec this is one great Christmas present. Saint Kateri was born in 1656 in Upstate New York to a Mohawk father and Algonquin mother, she was better known as Lily of the Mohawks. She died in 1680 and entombed in the Francois Xavier Roman Catholic Church in Kahnawake, Quebec. In 1981, she received beatification in Rome by then Pope John Paul II and she is the first Native American named to sainthood.

Penn State De “tackle”

2011-12-13T08:03:00.001-05:00

I must weigh in on Jerry Sandusky the alleged pedophile from Penn State. When the news broke that a football coach from the famed Penn State was charged with sexually abusing young boys, my thoughts and prayers went out to the victims. But as time passed, I got this eerie feeling about just how f*&&ed up this was and how much the creep reminded me of Michael Jackson and his affinity to young boys. Like MJ, Sandusky said he loved being in the company of young people and there was nothing wrong with it. Sick. Sick. Sick.

At the end of this, there are still the victims of Mr. Sandusky who will live with the scars. This is where the focus should be on, helping the victims and supporting them through this unimaginable difficult time. And thank you Tyler Perry for writing the letter of encouragement to the young victim.

Hail to Howard

2011-12-12T19:51:00.001-05:00

I watched the 60 minute interview last night on Warren Buffet's successor . BTW, great job Lesley Stahl.

I think Warren Buffet outsmarted us again in choosing the next king to run his empire. Who would you choose a farmer or an overpaid Wall Street guy? The reluctant attitude today towards Wall Street suits would not do a thing to bolster the 1%'s image and would negatively reflect on Berkshire Hathaway's reputation. Leave it to Warren Buffet to surprise the bejeezies out of all of us. I think he made an excellent choice in putting a hard working man who values concrete things rather than derivatives. Hail to Howard.

RIP Andy Rooney

2011-11-06T06:17:00.001-05:00

I am not sure what attracted me to watch 60 Minutes every Sunday evening but I did and along the way my teenager joined me. I think he found the show fascinating because of one episode on living "off the grid" and learning of a relative who similarly did the same. As a late bloomer to the show, I began to anticipate Andy Rooney's segment and at the time I laughed at the simplexes of his stories yet there was something else about him that I attracted my interest. He was grumpy and old and that only lead to the attraction, maybe somehow he reminded me of my dad who could be grumpy and old. I think it's the allure of an underdog not that Andy Rooney is viewed as one yet he had a quirky sense about him that grabbed my interest. Let's call him every man's protagonist saying things most people wondered but didn't say out loud.

This morning as I learned with the rest of the world he died, Andy Rooney had a way of riling up the viewers for good or bad and I think that was part of his persona that made him one of the greatest television journalists of our times. Sadly, I watched his last episode thinking maybe the old man will bless us with an odd commentary here and there. In Andy Rooney fashion he left when he was ready, no sooner or later. Condolences to his family and friends.

Parent Week From The Dead

2011-10-21T09:41:00.001-04:00

This is a week of my parents, both deceased yet still live in the minds of many. It began early in the week, when my son and I went to my friend Wilma's shop for some beads. She was stationed in the back of her store sewing a last minute order. Her shop is eclectic as best: an internet cafe, DVD rental outfit, seamstress service and custom sewing shop and now has a full line of beads. She has an area set for people who just come to visit and offers up an array of coffee for patrons. Eclectic is the only word that describes her shop. As we browsed, Wilma brought up how she missed my mother and that she was often in her thoughts.

Today, as a meeting came to an end, Ken, a friend of my mom's from way back mentioned how much he missed her. He shook his head in a bowed position leaving just enough so I could see his eyes filled with regret. The gesture is quite familiar when people discuss her. He said life would have been so different if she were still here with us, one event in particular her mere presence would have altered the course for years to come.

Then the other day, I received Facebook message from a distant relative and glad she was to see my dad, albeit on the social network. I could just see the look on my dad's face as I tried to explain Facebook and the internet. My dad was a steak and potatoes kinda guy who hunted and fished, so not into social networking. What a comfort to hear about my dad too!

Memories......

Listen To Your Gut

2011-10-21T09:32:00.001-04:00

The other day Oprah asked "What do you know better today than you did a year ago?" I can hear all the men reading this grumble, that's okay, it's called the Oprah effect. Or for a more twisted slant on that read Dennis Leary's book Why We Suck, he devotes an entire chapter to this. In the meantime, ask yourself what you know better today than from a year ago. Sometimes, we lose sight of how we differ year to year but every now and then a reminder helps us put things into perspective.

One thing I know I know is if you believe things will pass and things do. But when you are in the troughs of difficulty it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For this I know things will pass, guaranteed. The time in which a yucky situation happens eventually passes what lingers is our relentless ego reminding us of the dilemma. I would make a fortune inventing a gadget reminding the ego to cool it, what a cool app.

Another thing I know better is listening to my gut. A year ago today, work started going downhill, if I trusted my gut and listened I would have applied for a great position posted and knew I would get. I did not heed the message, hence, I lost my job four months later and things got worse before they got better.

So today, I know better to listen to my gut and know life lessons are put in your way so you can learn. And boy did I learn.

2011-10-06T08:28:00.001-04:00

I have to share with you an interesting and sweet thing that happen not once but three times. Both my parents are now deceased, my dad died four years ago at a tender age of 79 and my mom has been gone 24 years. As many who lost parents you can attest to the times when people mention them in passing, it touches your heart in a warm and fuzzy way.

Yesterday, as I was leaving a meeting, Ken a friend of my late mom's said how much he missed my mother. They collaborated on so many things to do with local education and local politics. Ken bowed his a head a bit and shook it back and forth, only enough for me to see his eyes, then he looked up and said "I really mean that, I think about your mother often and really miss her. If she were alive, things would have turned out so differently." True in the most logical sense but he meant differently. He looked at the other person in the meeting and said "her mom had guts, she was truly fearless."

Before Ken, I bumped into another friend of my mom's, Wilma. My son and I dropped in her eclectic shop a combination of: DVD rentals, internet cafe, bead europium, a coffee lounge, seamstress and custom sewing. We got to talking about her shop and she blurted right out to me that she was thinking of my mother that very day. I could understand the politeness of her remark but my mom has been gone for 24 years, it's not like the grief is fresh. She said how much she missed my mom and how different things would have turned out if she lived. It is heart warming to hear that.

But I am not finished, the other day I received a Facebook message from a relative about my dad. It took me by surprise and that's why I will share it. My relative was showing her mom her Facebook page and came across a photo of my dad and she choked up. My dad and her grew up together and were very close, she always considered him like a brother. She went on to say kind things about my dad that touched me so sweetly. And so the theme of my week goes, I bumped into her over dinner last night. She talked about my dad some more, she misses him too.

That being said, I forget sometimes the impact we have on other people and the lasting memories our lives leave behind. So today, take a moment to recall pleasant memories of those we love. Just a thought.

R.I.P. Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T08:04:00.000-04:00

Today, we are one less brilliant mind in the world with the passing of Steve Jobs. He revolutionized the world not only in the tech-sphere but in other subtle ways too.

Jobs brought us an idea that changed the way we communicate to one another whether through texts, emails or downloading apps. His impact will be felt for generations to come and that is quite remarkable, like Ford was to transport, Jobs is to communication and technology.

Fifty-six is much to young to depart the living world and today as we turn on our computers, use an app or simply call a friend, remember Steve Jobs and his inventive mind. Pay him a small tribute and say a pray for his family and friends. Apple.

Life is simply great

2011-10-04T20:57:00.001-04:00

You ever get the feeling things are finally going your way? That's how my life is right now, even as frivolous as some things may seem. Like I went shopping this weekend and found my favourite shampoo on the shelf, previously discontinued. Yippee. Then I went shopping with my sister and found so many bargains that ended saving over $20. And the list goes on. I even have a great boss.

And the same can be said for Amanda Knox who is a free woman and back in the U.S. after spending four years in an Italian prison for a murder she did not commit. She can finally walk in freedom from circumstance that didn't belong to her yet dragged her into despite it everything. Sometimes life has a way of showing us things we do not like and in her case the walls of an Italian prison.

It's like jumping through hoops of fire in order to get to the other side and no one says you will go unscathed. So here on this day in history, Amanda Knox is free and in a way so are many of us from situations beyond our control. But as many a great teachers have said its how you stand up from a crisis that foretells what kind of person you are. And stand you may with dignity and your head held high.

EMPLOYMENT........

2011-09-14T21:32:00.001-04:00

After six months and two weeks of being out of work, guess who got a new job? A new start, in a new direction! Moi!

I can lie and say it was easy but the past six months were difficult but somewhere within me laid a thirst for something new and I got it. And I am so grateful, just getting up and having a routine in the morning is great. It began to get mundane with my boys back in school. The day was filled with vast emptiness except for the odd errand or interview I attended.

Now, I am getting my grove back and liking it. To those still looking don't give up hope and still go on as many interviews as possible, it's good practice and keeps you current. I interviewed for my job rather quick and got the job pretty much on the spot. But then I didn't hear anything for over two weeks and gave up on it. Then, late one afternoon, I got an email asking to start ASAP.

So there you see don't give up on the job you think will pan out because it probably will in the end. Umpah!

March On!

2011-09-02T11:55:00.001-04:00

"Hold your head up high and walk with dignity"
is the theme today. My mom's BFF told me that was their motto as they walked through life.

I love their strength, they paved the way for me.

#ThingsThatAnnoyTheCrapOutOfMe

2011-08-31T09:51:00.001-04:00

Waiting in line, I have very little patience
Prime and proper people in public but rude arrogant in private
Being put on hold
PMS because by time I notice it arrived, it's too late to warn the village
Tardy physicians
People who burp in public
Load boisterous peeps
Price tags that don't come off easily
Smokers
Drunk people who repeat themselves all night
Compact cars
Nosy people

2 Things I learned about looking for a job................

2011-08-30T09:32:00.005-04:00

After spending the summer sending out countless resumes, I am finally realizing two things about the hunt for a job. One, answering job postings for the unemployed is like what blind items are to a gawker: they are too numerous to count and it's a hit or miss (mostly miss). Secondly, looking for a job takes skill but more importantly, contacts.

Most of my jobs in my life came through referral but this time I didn't feel it was necessary to let all my contacts know that I was yet again looking for a job. I think I may have topped the record of having three jobs in ten years each time leaving me unemployed in between.

Nevertheless, as I began looking for a job closer to home, my previous tenures commuted me 1 ½ hours a day in my car. I didn't call on any of my good ole reliable ones this time. I sent out resumes for job listings, sometimes three a day. I got three email replies, two interviews and three rejection letters. One Google search on a prospective employer turned up a weird cult under investigation and odd signage about saying Jesus Christ in the workforce, creepy.

If anything, my summer job trek proved to be entertaining in the least. So, late last month, I succumbed to calling up some of my ole contacts and put the word out I was looking for a job, again. In the past couple of days, those awkward calls are turning into fruitful delights.

Yesterday, an old colleague called and asked me to come work at her place. Her place turns out to be a great paying opportunity. Another colleague recommended me for a position, although, I didn't get it, I am on her radar. And another friend calls routinely as she has dibbed on an internal job bank at her place of business.

Today, I go for another interview with a perspective employer who offers contracts. So peeps, with resume in hand, I walk the road to employment and real soon I will be in another fabulous job.

Last Day of Summer Vacation

2011-08-30T07:57:00.001-04:00

Today comes with mixed emotions as it is the last day of summer vacation in my home. Like all moms back to school is a big event whether our children love school or dread it.

In my case, the boys are split down the middle when it comes to starting school this week. My older one is eager to go back to connect with all his friends, whereas my little is dreading the first day of school tomorrow.

As for me, I am happy with regret. I love my boys and was fortunate to spend the summer with them but now I need some quiet time. I need a morning at home just to sit and relax. Have a conversation on the phone without getting interrupted or eavesdropped on. Go through a day without putting on my referee shirt. Or making three meals a day, I have boys; they eat me out of house and home.

I am sad too that another is upon us and they are growing so fast. I get a lump in my throat and all choked up thinking what's on the horizon too. I am going to enjoy the last day of summer vacation with them boys when they wake up. Lol.

Whirlwind of a Week

2011-08-30T07:27:00.001-04:00

The past week was crazy in my neck of the woods. There was 1 Hurricane, 2 earthquakes, 1 foreclosure in the hood, 1 new job, 1 lost job and emotions all over the place.

As Irene blustered through the Northeast, we forgot about the earthquakes earlier in the week and focussed on the storms wind and rain that for many left a heap of mess behind. Irene overshadowed the loss suffered by a friend who lost her house during this week too. Very sad, I feel for her and her teenage son.

To keep the week churning, my hubby started a new job on Monday and was let go on Thursday evening from a very odd company. But Irene took my mind off all of it as the winds picked up and the rain started pouring and for the next 12 hours I enjoyed the candle lit evening playing cards, talking and laughing with my boys. It's a sure sign the week ahead it going to be great. Enjoy

Foreboding......

2011-08-23T19:37:00.001-04:00

Today began with an odd sort of feeling. I thought for a moment that my Word of Day would be foreboding. It was something that was in my thoughts from the moment I woke up. But I read the definition to be sure that I knew it meant the feeling something bad is going to occur. I choose not to even put a word today, why start a perfectly good day on a bad note.

Give or take 30 minutes, the foreboding my gut was screaming finally came to fruition as I watched two men dressed in black knock on my neighbour's door and a van pulled up in front of my house. Then a young guy jumped out of the van holding duct tape ran up the path to my neighbour's house. What the heck was going on? I was about to call 911 when I noted a city employee pull up too. As it turns out my neighbour foreclosed on her place.

The rest of the day was spent is sadness for my neighbour. Did you know you cannot take belongings for your neighbour? I asked along with another neighbour if we could store some of her belongings. We were met with a big "No." Sad, sad day in the neighbourhood.

It's the first time I witnessed such an event, I felt deep sorrow for my friend and her teenage son and I was completely helpless in the situation. Thus the foreboding feeling. With all the events unfolding, I heard about the earthquake here on the east coast. I didn't feel it neither did my sons. It puts things into perspective for me today; it showed me how much I had to be grateful for and how fortunate I am.

My husband came home at lunch and I gave him a huge hug and kiss. I am so lucky. Tonight, pray for all the people who have it hard, pray for their wellbeing.

Pros and Cons of Science Camp

2011-08-18T11:23:00.001-04:00

I am in the last days of Science camp with my little one. He is a creature of habit despite loving camp he just wants to go home. On the other hand, I am enjoying the week away and dreading the end to a wonderful trip.

Back to normal on Monday.

Layoffs = Lottery Win

2011-08-12T09:29:00.002-04:00

Now here's a story that breathes hope and life into the dismal state of being unemployed. A group of employees in an Ontario company won the lotto the same day they received layoff notices. That's just sweet.

Fracking

2011-08-11T07:58:00.001-04:00

I read today a U.S. Energy department panel is recommending tighter regulations for natural gas drilling commonly termed "fracking." From what I understand the shale drilling disrupts underground water reservoirs often leading to contamination of ground water in areas surrounding these drilling sites. In many cases, the contamination affects entire water distribution systems in the area prohibiting water usage.

Despite the environmental concerns, who do you think will win on the environment front? It just makes me wonder if the regulations will make it to the legislative state. It seems in our day and age big business seems to prevail despite all critical oversight departments and bodies in government.

Why such a dismal view on promising recommendations? It appears that big business find ways through lobbyists and government officials to rule in their favour. This is ever so present in Wisconsin, were the rights of the people are pushed to the side for the power of big business.

Times a changin’

2011-08-09T16:16:00.001-04:00

Whoever wrote growing up is hard to do forgot to ask what parents thought of it? Today, my 10 year old remarked "the day is coming sooner than you think when someone is going to stop licking the bowl of a cake batter!"

I asked who he was referring to? He answered him. "Me, mom. I am growing up Mom!" I could only think "wow" I am so not ready for this.

He added that he was moving out but first he would buy a lotto ticket five times and win. I asked "where you going to go?" He replied "I am getting my own place, I am leaving to college!" Then he ran off.

Geez, life goes a little fast sometimes and what's with my boy, he's thinking like an adult. Summer boredom is beginning to kick in. Only three more weeks of summer vacation left.

Bears! Bears! Bears!

2011-08-08T14:13:00.034-04:00

Bears are everywhere! From the markets to my cottage. We are in Bear Season. Be cautious. Be optimistic.

We spent the past weekend at our cottage with some guests, all warm blooded. It was a perfect getaway with the streams warm enough to swim and the evenings warm too. In our family tradition, we made a bonfire and roasted marshmallows and hot-dogs while sitting around the campfire. The alluring smell of the hot-dogs and an early BBQ brought out the big wigs of nature. Although I am not 100% certain, I can say we attracted a bear to our campfire.

We didn't see the bear but we heard him grunt, a very deep and distinct grunt,that sent my sister and I scurrying into the cottage for the evening. That's the closest I ever came to a bear. In recent years, they made their way down the mountains to more populated areas for food. Last year, with the berry season wiped out from torrential rains, the bears came into the small villages and tormented the locals, crashing through doors and attacking garbage cans looking for food. I seen bear cubs for the first time at the local dump combing through the trash eating my spaghetti from the day before.

It would have pleased my dad to know this year's bumper crop of wild blueberries and stirred his curiosity that bears were coming in close range to his cottage. Always a hunter, my dad would have reveled in this fact with the local men over coffee. Should I run into any of his old cronies I am sure to mention this.

We are safe and didn't hear any more bear noises that evening but I now know what a bear sounds like.

Not Everything is “Dow”n

2011-08-08T13:33:00.001-04:00

Today is a busy day. Moments ago the DOW Jones Industrial tumbled 349 points, it comes to no surprise (really it should not) that the world is reacting to the volatile and precarious situation of the U.S. economy. And today, I learn a new economic term "liquidity trap" where people put their money into savings accounts rather than buy bonds in anticipation of an interest rate increase at the bank.

If anything, we live in interesting times and being a Monday nothing is out of the ordinary. Here's to the beginning of a tumultuously good week, if you look at the glass half full.

US avoids default

2011-08-01T08:57:00.000-04:00

It's comforting to know the US is not defaulting this morning. As the world crossed their fingers hoping the US could come to some agreement on their debt, they did in the 11th hour. There is no telling the ramifications the default would have but all indicators were pointing to disaster.
So thanks to the people who made it possible and for making the remainder of our summer less worrisome.

Things are heating up

2011-07-20T10:58:00.009-04:00

Everybody seems to be talking about the heat wave, Rupert Murdoch and his Crouching Tiger wife Wendy. I remember as a kid, the news of the day played no role in my life. I would wake, eat breakfast and make my way out the door. Summers on the reservation, we're really not that different from off the reservation. We had a community pool, a Boys and Girls club, and a beach. When the local pool began charging an entrance fee, we made our way to the local beach. A nice beach five minutes down the road from our place had a large slide into the river, a kid pool and a long dock.
Around noon, my mom would show up with a bag of putter butter and jam sandwiches that would be gone in minutes. The beach would be get crowded by early afternoon, with many Italian and Greek families from the city. We would watch in utter fascination as they would set up camp with tablecloths, coolers of food and bottles of wine. As the day warmed up so did the loudness of the crowd.
What did I know about other people? Rarely did I go off the reservation except for school excursions, my friends and I watched in awe as the wine flowed, hands and fingers flying in all directions and their voices growing louder. I sat waiting for the dad to throw the first punch, something the never happened.
Now that I am married to a Greek guy I discovered it's just the milieu. My in-laws always grow loud and argue about anything all the time. The beach action was friendly banter but for a kid like me who grew up in a home where banter of that sort usually ended in violence, sitting on the picnic table I anticipated the first punch. Secretly, wishing the wife would hit the guy with the long baguette she was cutting.
Why am I thinking of this? All this fighting in the media sure heats up summer. Now, instead of waiting for the first punch I turn off the T.V. and walk out of the room. I join my children out on the patio and watch in awe how they argue and fight and make-up. Why pay an entrance fee when it's free. Life is grand.

Hoops of Life

2011-07-13T07:38:00.001-04:00

For the first time in a long time, I feel like life is at its best. This morning I finally began to see the fruits of my labour take off. I got a glimpse of my future and liked what I saw.

This is not to say life before now has not been great, it has and the last year was a huge learning curve for me professionally and personally. It's just nice to see some of my hard work finally set in.

Cheers to you on this lovely July 13^th.

All the right horses! All the wrong days!

2011-07-11T18:37:00.002-04:00

Ever ask yourself if everything you're doing is wrong? Well, that's how I feel today. On the job front, I am feeling the effects of not being up to par with the young job market. Last week, I interviewed for a position I was over qualified for. I was willing to start at the low end of the pay scale just to get back into the work thing. Funny, the guy never called me back. Then, I realized a dear friend or so I thought blew me off last week, upfront. He insisted we get together this week not last but posted on FB how he is stuck at O'Hare on his way home. WTF!

It's clear I managed to piss off not only family but now friends. It's days like these you ask what did I do wrong? If the universe could be honest, I would know that I am not one to hold back what I think and feel. I am uncomfortable with some social niceties, really, I am put off with the "pussy footing around" and rather just use a more direct approach. Is my approach catching up to me?

What I do know for sure is to be honest with myself: I am smart, intelligent and resilient. I am blessed beyond belief to have family and really good friends I could count on. I mentioned to a friend yesterday, how I like to move forward and tend to like friends who do the same. Am I the same person I was last year? Comme ce comme sa. I may still hold certain things dear to me and I tend to let go of things that don't work while evolving each day. I guess this is one of the reasons social niceties weigh me down. They require patience and diplomacy, two things I lack.

So instead of feeling down, I am using my resiliency to look at ways to adapt to the changing job market and let go of friends who don't really work anymore. As for O'Hare guy, he got stuck in a layover for 10 hours, from his posted not a happy camper. Life is funny sometimes.

Powwow Time

2011-07-09T11:35:00.002-04:00

It's Powwow weekend back in my hometown. It's a traditional Native American style dance festival celebrating everything Native through song and dance. From its inception back in 1991, the annual powwow became a gathering time on the reservation for families and friends. Like American Thanksgiving, the powwow brings people home for the weekend to enjoy two days of activities on a tiny island in the midst of the St. Lawrence River.

Now in its 20^th year, the powwow is a staple of my hometown that many come to depend on as a main summer attraction. This year is no different, as the high heat of July beckons the nape of your neck and the cheeks of your face, you can count on great Native cuisine and goods ranging from handmade lacrosse sticks, jewellery, sculptures and paintings. And if that's not enough to fill your day, there is the dancing. A spectacular display of color and skill, as dancers fill the main stage and dance to the beat of singers and drumming. Just the thumping of the drums can be heard miles away, luring even the sceptics to join the festivities.

The powwow began in 1991 in commemoration to the 1990 standoff in Kahnesatake and Kahnawake that lasted 72 days and grabbed the attention of the world as two small Native American Indian reserves protested a land grab by a greedy developer of ancient burial grounds in a small Pine tree enclave on the Lake of Two Mountains reservation.

In the initial years, I swear you could feel the pride in the air and even taste it in the food. I spent the first couple of years volunteering under the auspice of a dear friend, now a museum curator in New Mexico, in the official T-Shirt sales booth. And many more years bringing my children to the annual event, which is now a staple of their summer routine.

Today, as we wrestled with heading to the cottage or to the powwow, a little something tugged at my heart and my hometown won. Off to the powwow we go. Onen kewahe, that's Mohawk for good bye for now.

New Beginnings

2011-06-30T11:30:00.001-04:00

If you asked me six months ago, even a year ago, where I would be today? In answering, I would have not strayed far from the status quo. But here I am the day before July begins with new beginnings in most areas of my life. I am a creature of habit that does not stray far from my nest. I say that with pun intended as I watch two baby hummingbirds prepare to fledge any moment.
I am flipping between writing this post and watching the webcam: http://phoebeallens.com/ . In one breathe I am sad they are leaving home but in another I know it's time. New beginnings, just like the hummingbirds, are part of nature and the more you resist the better chance you'll end up in not a good place. So here I am on the eve of a new month, a new job, a few new friends and a new look. As difficult as it has been, I am finally embracing the changes and liking them too.
If someone whispered in my ear when I was young that my life would turn out much better than living a nightmare of a childhood, I probably would have thought they were lying because I could not imagine how it could get any better, really. But I sit here today light years away from that life and in a better place. Actually, I am tens of miles away from my childhood home, I live a life where there is no violence, no alcoholism, no yelling and no hiding. And I like it.
My new beginnings also brought solitude, comfort and vanishing eczema that plagued me for years and up until recently was really getting bad, I suspect it was stress related. Then as I shed the past from my present and definitely from my future the eczema, anxiety and stress all seemed to disappear. It's a new beginning, like Joplin and Heather, the two baby Channel Hummingbirds ready to fledge.
Life is free, enjoy.

Happy Father’s Day

2011-06-19T14:59:00.001-04:00

The best memory of my dad was his love of the outdoors and how during the summer up at the cottage, we went fishing. Not just to any fishing spot, my dad had the secret spots that were to net us foot long Brook Trout. We would comb through the thick northern Canadian brush and make our way down an enormous cliff to stand in a small opening to the brook below.

Once, Cece, my younger sister tagged along at my insistence and as we wiggled our way through the brush my dad right behind us. Suddenly, he slipped on a moss covered rock and flew past us on his descent landing on his secret spot. He said every cuss word in the cuss word dictionary as he managed to stand up. My sister and I hid our giggles as best we could. I don't even remember if we caught anything that day because it was an occasion we got to spend time alone with him, something seldom garnered at home in a family of nine children.

My dad was the great outdoorsman. He loved to fish and hunt all year round. Each year he would get tons of gifts related to fishing and hunting. Camouflage shirts, hats, jackets, socks, fishing gear. One year someone gave him the dancing wall mounted fish from an info-commercial. He was a man's man rarely showing emotion and not one to hug. He showed his love in other ways. Like when I had my first child, he showed up at the hospital on Christmas day to welcome a new grandchild but found me still in labour. My dad couldn't whisper, he couldn't speak low, his whisper was somebody else's regular tone. He cornered my older sister and stated "how long is she going to take?" This from a father of nine! I laughed and my husband just looked at me, not venturing to comment.

Just when I underestimated how much my dad cared, he surprised me. After I had my second child he showed up at my house with presents in tow to greet his newest grandson, who I named after him. I loved my dad so much and miss him on Father's day. I can hold in my heart that I was blessed to have him in my life so long. Cheers to you, Dad.

Adult Bullying

2011-06-13T13:40:00.001-04:00

I don't think there is any difference in childhood bullying than in adulthood. Bullies use intimidation and fear to get what they want from someone. But what I know about bullies, firsthand, is that in most cases they are more fearful than you are.

I know this because most of my childhood was spent at the hand of bullies. Like most schools and neighbourhoods, there is always a bully around. In my case, there was a family on the next block that raised a bunch of bullies. Rarely did you wander down their street and it was hell when the bus stop was closer to their house than ours. I was not their only victim. Anybody, girl or boy that could be frightened was picked on. Most of this occurred on the bus ride to and from school.

Let's call my bully Molly. Molly was the same age and in all my classes. She ruled by fear and intimidation on a daily basis. But that all changed in grade eight when Molly changed my desk and put hers in the midst of my friends. I came back from recess to see my desk pushed to the side. I used every ounce of courage I had and moved my desk back. When she came back into the class her desk was in it's normal spot. She tried and tried to move to my spot, most of the day. I suspect she was a little jealous not being in my group of friends. By lunch, I could not take her bully anymore, so I said to her that I would beat her up after school.

Word of our impending fight spread like wild fire. By days' end, our bus was over loaded with students coming to watch Molly knock my lights out. When we got off at our stop, the entire bus unloaded. I went right up to her and she begged me not to fight with her. She said her mom told her she was not allowed to fight. "Ha" I said "that didn't stop you all these years" then I smacked her face and pushed her to the ground. She got up crying and ran home. That was the last time I seen Molly at school. One day, as we were settling in from recess our class door flew open and with a screaming woman, it was Molly's mom. She was distraught and yelling obscenities at me. She blamed me for Molly quitting school. That was the day the bullying stopped forever. I am not sure if it's because I stood up to Molly or people were terrified of having a parent storm the school, again.

Flash forward to today, my son and I went to my hometown and stopped for an ice cream, when we walked in Molly was there too. She doesn't frighten me, actually she's a bit standoffish when we do met in public. I suspect she relives the moment when she sees me. I am cordial and polite. As my son and I got in the car I told him that was Molly. As he gave me a surprised look, I said "yes, she's a real person. I bet you thought I made her up?" He replied "Nooooo."

Then today, I realized someone is trying to bully me now, at 46 years old. I had all the symptoms of stress and I could not quite get to the bottom of it. Until, I remembered running into Molly the other day. Oh yes, I was being bullied by a relative to make a decision that was right for them, not for me. All the usual bullying techniques were used and I resisted all of them until a couple of days ago when I allowed it to get to me. Aha, I thought, for sure it's bullying and I am not falling for it one moment longer. But as an adult, I am not about to go and slap someone, it's not necessary, just realizing that they are very fearful is comforting enough. As an adult, I can handle it in adult ways like contacting the authorities should it persist. But it's comforting to know not to give into the fear bullies count on to get their way. Enjoy your day, it's so wonderful to be free of fear.

Mondays :)

2011-06-13T10:27:00.001-04:00

Good Monday morning. This is the way the week should always begin. The weekend netted me two full night's sleep, nine hours each time, something that I have not had in months and I woke rested and energized. Plus I got on the scale to see I am not 10 pounds, yes 10 pounds lighter. I owe this to lemon juice before meals and thank Tim Ferris from the "Four Hour Body" for that excellent tip.

My day continues to get better as the minutes pass. I am now off to sign up for some yoga classes and a full body massage pour moi. Happy Monday.

Cancelling spree

2011-06-02T10:30:00.001-04:00

I spent the morning readjusting home life to reflect our needs. I cancelled an outdated subscription for long distance services. Who really needs it? Today, Skype is free and in my neck of the woods you can now get unlimited long distance for five bucks a month. I did this for other minor things too.

Then I texted my husband "on a cancelling spree, not a spending spree, lol" This has to be one of the top things men love to hear and I know I made his day.

I just don't know how to break it to him that I already have plans on what to do with all the money I am saving, lol.

Reinventing Myself

2011-06-02T10:15:00.001-04:00

I am updating my resume and prepping for upcoming interviews and I thought oh sh@# how am I going to explain the past ten years on my resume. It's not like I was a stay-at-home mom, which I would have loved to do. But I did tend to immature adults and many tantrum throwing men and a few women, too. There were many days it felt like I worked with children but you cannot tell a potential employer this, no more than you can bad mouth former bosses.

Then this thought came to me: when asked what I did for the past ten years, I would reply "worked for family" and the interviewer would ask "why didn't you include it on your resume?" I will respond politely with "because it took me ten years to learn not to work for family!"

Have a great day.

Blogging My Way to Sanity

2011-05-31T08:32:00.001-04:00

Nobody really told me growing up would be hard. I mean, who in their right minds will tell you that your family can be toxic at times and on top of that, in order to get some peace in your life, you need to cut out the things that don't bring you peace. Go figure, the real treasure hunt begins trying to determine just that. It sounds simple yet when it involves your family it's not easy, at times its heart wrenching, but in order to have some sort of harmony in my life I needed to determine what causes me so much grief.

I am forty-five, yes, forty-five years old folks and I am coming to terms with my life in order to move on to the next step: FUN. In the next ten years, both my boys will be gone to college; at least those are MY plans. I will have a home to myself with my love and I want to enjoy life to its fullest. This is not to say, I will have a naked room like in the movie "Failure to Launch" but I will have more time on my hands to do the things I want to do. In order to get there, I need to clear up a few matters in my life that bog me down. It's funny how a couple months at home, without a job, gets you thinking, in my case, I can say the past ten years came to a head in the last couple months. And I seen the trees in the forest so clear it was breathe taking.

As a result, I can say with certainty is that everyone at one point or other experiences challenging times with a family member(s). In my case, I am not in the clear when it comes to this and that's my point. There is no real immunity when it comes to strife in a family the real choice in the matter is either continue engaging in it or get the hell out for the sake of your sanity. And that's where my friend Olive's advice comes in, her line "love them from a distance" does make life more pleasurable.
So, I love from a distance now and I am happy in my mostly peaceful life. To end today's blog on the side of humour, one of my favourite sayings "Family is like fudge, a whole lot of sweetness with a few nuts in the mix." Have a wonderful day and enjoy.

Did I Hate High School?

2011-05-27T08:05:00.001-04:00

Before I answered the question, I will say this about high school because one day my sons may read this blog post. High School was one important and vital step in my future and the main reason I am sitting here writing. But I didn't always like high school, like most teenagers around the age of 14 or 15 you get this bright idea you don't need school and would rather do anything but get up in the morning and go.

Take me for instance, in grade 9 I wanted to quit school and join a commune type camp in upstate New York. I spent a summer or two hanging out with friends at this very rustic abode. Some of my friends' parents left their life behind to sleep in crammed quarters very similar to a youth hostel. My friends didn't attend school and spent much of each day doing nothing. I thought this was utopia with cute guys and good friends but my parents had other ideas.

One day shy of the new school year, my uncle came by to pick me up to my horror. When I got home, my dad was at our house which was odd because my parents were divorced and we only seen my dad occasionally. A united front. I remember crying and begging my parents to let me go back to no avail. I sat on my front porch in complete defiance sobbing and every few minutes saying mean things to them. I thought conventional schooling sucked, I wanted the Bohemian education offered at the semi-commune camp that my friends were at.

At the time, my dreams were to become a full time Bohemian and fall in love with a cute Bohemian guy. We would marry and live on the land and just love each other. I had no concept of money but it didn't matter, my idealistic lifestyle would sustain me. I dreamed of days of complete bliss with my then boyfriend. He spent most of his life doing this with his parents, he didn't go to high school and couldn't read, I later found out the same was true for most of my friends at the camp. Most struggled to get an education later in life realizing its importance. While they got an education I was already working and complete mine.

But parents really knew best, by then I think being the sixth child they knew my anger would pass and it did. By the end of the week, I was back in the normal grove of high school and went on to graduate making my parents proud, even more so when I went to university. So, I will say all kids hate high school at some point and it's normal but to chuck it completely is a disaster. As for life as a Bohemian I still retain some of the free spirited ways.

Aha Moment

2011-05-24T14:27:00.001-04:00

It's always so incredible to me when I figure things out on my own. It's Aha moments that really make life interesting and put things into perspective. In writing the last section of my book, I hit a wall and each time I attempted to pick up where I left off in my novel, my mind would go blank. It's not a new occurrence for me rather it's like an old childhood friend you bump into unexpectedly. As I aided my creativity with Twitter and Facebook entries, I listened to a morning talk show. Then in an instant I thought of the word lack and Googled - Something you think you need. I got 1.2 millions hits but this one stood out for me:

"Something that you think you need, perhaps actually is no good for you. So pray for something that is the best for you to come." taken from QuoteMyDay.com

I just figured out something about myself that really ties together so much of my life, per se. I figured something you think you need really may not be in your interest. And maybe I should consider that my pursuit of something superficial can be bad for me. Now, I must focus on what is good for me, I am not even sure you will understand it but that was my Aha moment of the day.

Keep it coming.

Sisters

2011-05-22T08:03:00.001-04:00

Sisters always close to my heart no matter how many miles apart.

End of the World, yeah right, maybe as we know it

2011-05-20T07:39:00.001-04:00

I remember watching a documentary years ago on the Jehovah Witness' included was their prediction the end of the world to be something like June 21^st, as the cults members prepared for the world to end, the leaders based in Brooklyn made a huge fortune cashing on real estate holdings. But the day came and went with no big catastrophe and life went on and their END OF DAYS prediction garnered little or no publicity.

Today, we have this guy Harold Camper a former engineer turned prophet claiming Judgment Day is tomorrow May 21, 2011. Like Y2K, it's a sham. One of my sisters fell very bad for Y2K, spending enormous amounts of money on supplies that would last her for two years. She spent one month canning 200 cases (4800 jars) of tomatoes. For six months, all that came out of her mouth was how the world was going to crash, how satellites would fall from the sky. The best I did was buy a flashlight and stay on the computer well past mid-midnight.

It leads me to thinking what makes people latch on to such extreme things. There has to be something going on in their life that propels them to believe such nonsense and the only people they work up is themselves.

What are you doing on Judgement Day? Me, I will be bringing my son to his lacrosse practice and making dinner. Enjoy.

Shriver “ed” II

2011-05-18T12:56:00.001-04:00

In yesterday's blog I made reference to the Terminator messing around with the maid, assuming household staff really meant household staff I wrote a maid. Spot on. But no one is right when people are hurting especially when children.

And really does it matter? A cheater is a cheater, infidelity is infidelity.

I guess my point is that I know what Maria is feeling minus the onslaught of the press. Yes, I am a woman of scorn. You are hurt and really want to believe the guy when he says it was a lapse of judgement. Worse when it's a series of lapses than you know it's time to remove yourself. I empathize with her and her children.

Maria Shriver does not strike me as the meek woman but someone who will stand up with her head held high while moving forward. Kudos to her.

Shriver “ed”

2011-05-17T08:50:00.001-04:00

I just knew there was so much more to Maria Shriver's split from the terminator. I woke in the middle of the night tossed and turned and finally flipped on my ITouch to read Twitter.

As I lay in bed at 4:30 am scrolling through my tweets, I quickly scanned an astrology woman talk about something about Scorpio's presence in the planets. I didn't quite get that part be understood when she referenced the recent problems sex scandal problems with that French politician in New York City. Much has to be said about astrology, even for the naysayers.

As my Twitter feed got closer to real time, I saw a tweet from the Huffington Post about Mr. Terminator having a love child. I opened the link and viola the article was from the Los Angeles Times stating the child was conceived with the housekeeper ten years ago. My heart sank as I thought of Maria and her children. What a dog, what a dog. And what about the other child? Nice one Arnie, I bet you didn't think of that when you were boinking the maid.

Maria, run fast and far from this man, that's all I can say.

A Million Little Pieces

2011-05-16T17:09:00.001-04:00

Despite what the world thinks, including my favourite Oprah, I still find "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey one of the most riveting books ever read. I found this book at Costco and from the moment I picked it up, Frey's account of his journey through drug addicted captivated me. It took me about two days to read his book and I left me in awe of his craft of writing such a true gritty account his life.

As the book made the Oprah Book Club, I felt proud to have read it along side Oprah but the main reason the book grabbed my interest was what propelled Mr. Frey into sobering up. I am sure it affected others, who like me have a family member who suffers from drug and/or alcohol abuse. I could never really understand why my brother chose to do drugs. I could not grasp what made him not get clean. "A Million Little Pieces" was my tour guide into the life that holds so many people hostage, including my brother, so despite Oprah's public scolding, James Frey still remains an excellent writer.

I loved his candour so much I purchase his next book "My Friend Leonard" and was not disappointed. But what I think does not matter in the literary arena or on the pages of public opinion and definitely not on Oprah. With this said, the public lashing Oprah did do on him was her way of getting redemption in the press for promoting a book that was not vetted properly by her staff or the publishers. In the end, James Frey paid the price like so many people did, even Oprah in her Texas beef lawsuit.

As "A Million Little Pieces" makes the headlines again, I hope that more people read it and come away with a better understanding of the personal struggles one goes through to come out on the other side clean. I am glad to see James Frey is still a great person and still writing.

Scorn

2011-05-16T10:56:00.001-04:00

Scorn: open dislike and disrespect or derision often mixed with indignation.

Today, as I scrolled through my Facebook page, I caught a glimpse of this guy, let's call him Arnie, from my hometown in someone's status post. When I seen his picture immediately what came to mind was a comment he made to a mutual friend about his ex wife. It loosely went something like "God, my wife was never happy, she was miserable all the time!" Our mutual friend told me of his comment and I responded that it was probably the scorn of a woman who was cheated on that he confused with misery. The remark caught my friend off guard and the topic was dropped. It's funny how men and women differ on the topic of infidelity.

Scorned women are everywhere, if they wore a letter "S" on their sleeve the world would be in a sea of S's dangling from their shirts. Malls would be filled with fashionable ways to wear your heart on your sleeve, cell phones sleeves would retail clever "S" on the jackets or instead of the letter C on handbags S would replace it. But a scorn woman rarely goes public with such flagrant news. Most women are so hurt from the betrayal that it's almost never goes beyond their closest of friends. As for a man, well they just don't see it that way, for most it was a sexual thing with very little emotions and they don't view it as really cheating because they still love their wives.

If you leave scorn to fester it becomes a breeding ground for unhappiness and contempt. Look at Maria Shriver or Shania Twain who both recently left their marriages due to infidelity, albeit, in Ms. Shriver's case it's speculated. But I seen a photo of Maria that had unhappiness written all over it and I watched her odd YouTube video on "Transitions" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sux6hjX_7iQ) and chuckled because she didn't come right out and say she was separated but you could read into her message.

In the past couple of years, I have seen so many scorn women on television stand by their man as they confessed their infidelities to the world, most popular amongst U.S. governors and Eliot Spritzer. So popular, The Good Wife appeared on T.V. as a show that follows a scorn woman who stands by her man, a fallen politico, and her inner battles as she digests her husband's indiscretions.

So before one can comment on another person's misery or unhappiness, you should looked beyond the obvious and see if in fact your opinions add up. And maybe before you tell friends about your wife's shitty attitude make sure she's just not angry over your infidelities.

Angered Mom hits husband over the head with a pot!

2011-05-10T08:30:00.001-04:00

I read a funny article today about a woman in Staten Island, NY who hit her husband in the head with a pot for not buying her a Mother's Day present. Ouch. Old family lore has it that an aunt hit her husband over the head with a wrench because he didn't come home all night, hence her nickname "The Wrench." What pushes a woman over the edge? I think it's simple, feeling under appreciated.

I remember while in labour for my first son, my husband brought me my Christmas gifts in bed. He bought me a new faucet for the kitchen sink and a set of cheap steak knives. If it were not for the contractions and impending birth of my son, I am not sure what I would have done. But I did feel so underappreciated I wanted to cry. Months later, while dining with friends, the wife and I got to talking about the worst gifts we ever received and I brought up the faucet gift.

Later that night, my husband told me he overheard the conversation and now he worried our friends would think he was cheap. Dah. I told him he was. I was the mother of his son and all he could buy me was a new faucet! Livid, I told him "either put your heart into choosing a gift for me or don't bother." Well, not much came of that conversation for years.

Then I got smart and took on a new motto "You get what you give." And that worked like a charm because forgot to get me a gift for Mother's Day the next year and I forgot to get him a Father's day gift. He was so hurt and dismayed saying it was the worst Father's Day ever. Let me just say that until two days ago it worked out great. Like my last birthday he bought me a new laptop to my delight. But this year nodda!

No pots or wrenches went flying in any direction because my sons showered me with love and appreciation all day long and some special gifts too. That in itself is why God created children.

Doing the Right Thing is sometimes F"?%$ing hard

2011-05-08T08:32:00.001-04:00

It was not until late last month did I finally do the right thing regarding my incessant lack of will power to open my big mouth and stand up for myself in regards to a family issue. Yes, at 45 I still allowed people treat me as a doormat rather than a sister, an aunt, a wife and at times a mom (not very often).

I found it hard to discern the fine line between compassion and doormat. Actually, most of my life is strewn with reckless abandonment for my own needs but high priority on those of others. I did not see beyond putting other people first and in most cases doing what others asked of me.

As most can attest, there is always a straw that breaks the camel's back and my camel's back broke last month under the heavy weight of so-called "family" obligations. I stood outside the box and looked in realizing I didn't like what I saw. Shocked is more accurate to my summation and I could not live one more day like this. Just for your sake, there is really more drama to this than I care to get into.

I put my foot down in a big way very quietly, if that is at all possible. I had lengthy conversations with my sisters about this over the years but never really did anything bold about it until last month. I spoke in earnest to Cece, my younger sister, who whole heartedly agreed with me. Although, I think she lives vicariously through my actions perched on her fence and I respect that.

As my new found courage and action slowly swept through my family, it made people uncomfortable and uneasy, including me. This is new for me as it is for my sisters and its heart wrenching and debilitating at times if I allowed it to be. Mostly, I am proud of myself for standing my ground and that's very comforting.

And now to my point, nobody tells you it's hard to do the right thing, not that I was asking but sh*@. For a newbie, being a doormat is calmer and passive, being a person who does the right thing is harder but in the end it's definitely more satisfying and a great part of life. Here's to doing the right thing. Cheers.

Happy Mother’s Day

2011-05-08T07:45:00.001-04:00

I lost my mom in college, now 24 years later I still think about her on a daily basis, especially with Mother's Day approaching. Like many women who lost their mom, I felt alone and wandered through life for years. I found solace and comfort whenever I spoke with women her age (She died at 54), her friends, and especially with other women who lost their moms. They understood the hollow, emptiness a woman feels without mom.

Her absence was extremely painful when I became a mom, I wished for her guidance and her hand to hold me when labor labored on. Just her touch, I knew would cure the pain of contractions but she didn't arrive by miracle instead my beautiful son did.

But she lives inside me in some ways and that I hold dear to my heart. I apparently have her round face and God was gracious enough to bless me with her age spots, lol.

Quite frankly, you are blessed if you still have your mother with you today and tomorrow, I will celebrate her for simply being my mom with memories. Happy Mother's Day.

Ah Spring

2011-04-07T08:51:00.000-04:00

Spring is here, finally. Do you notice every spring we eagerly wait for the weather to catch up to the date of spring? Well today is the day I think they are in sync. My son asked if I noticed yesterday all the snow was gone, as he just did. Another sure sign.

Today as my boys were making there way to school, I reminded them of the warm spring air arriving just in time for the weekend and for their enjoyment. Jonny asked when he would be able to wear just a t-shirt out because he missed doing that. Nic smiled when I said the weather was perfect for long-boarding. So yes spring is definitely in my house.

What comes with Spring is the clean up, which I dread. The cleanup this year involves more than household chores making me a little apprehensive but it must be done. My sister said something interesting: This year is a time of peace, holding her fingers straight up, or a time of cutting putting her fingers horizontal and making a scissors like motion. Peace or cutting? I can see that. Do you want peace or do you want to cut things out of your life? Good question. Enjoy the day.

Am I Hard On Myself? Duh!

2011-03-14T14:39:00.001-04:00

Are you kidding? Who is not hard on themselves?

Years ago, a group of moms gathered outside an arena waiting for our children to come out and one woman said to me "we are too hard on ourselves." I thought about that for some time and concluded it was true. But never for a moment did I internalize it like the article this weekend in the New York Times "Go Easy on Yourself, A New Wave of Research Urges" by Susan Pope lead me to.

It's true, I am compassionate to others, including children but when it comes to myself, now that's another story. Not a day goes by when I am critical about my weight, my hair, and my financial habits. I lose myself in the condemnation of myself when it comes to my weight. A perfect size 9 most of my life, I valued it, I showed it and I revelled in it. Until, I got comfortable and began putting on weight. Now, at 45 I am 30 pounds overweight and continuously beat myself up about it. But the whippings don't stop there, there's my non-career job, my inability to project the family income into the profitability sector of the economy, my inability to learn a second language, my childrearing skills and the list goes on. Catch me at 3 am when I am in the troughs of the whipping. It's in these moments that the self-loathing really takes place.

But I intellectually know to be kind to myself but realistically ain't so. And who said to be compassionate to yourself helps you lose weight. Boy, I am going to try that. Have a great day because compassion dictates that I should too. J

In Or Out in Social Media

2011-03-06T09:22:00.001-05:00

Sometimes there are things that just creep me out. It's that feeling someone is watching you. On social media it's quite a different story because we put ourselves out there and should expect that. I found it a little unnerving at first but I realize it's the times. We are in the open more than we ought to be. This from the girl who has her own blog, DAH.

So you must choose to be in or out, per se, in social media. And just by opening a Facebook account years ago, I unwittingly decided to be an Social Media In"y".

A Fine Morning

2011-02-17T11:26:00.001-05:00

I just need to share this. I got on the scale this morning and happily greeted the number on the scale that was far from what I expected. Yes sir. After, four months of working out, I am finally seeing the results and I love it. So cheers to me.

Over a month passed since blogging, totally attributing to this absence is all the new technology in my life and a more active social life. Over Christmas, I received from my wonderful boys a new Kindle 3G and bought an iTouch. Between the two along with my laptop my time is consumed. I downloaded crazy ass apps and too many books to read but I love it. The first book I read on my Kindle was Confession by John Grisham. My current reads are: Sexy Forever by Suzanne Somers, Nurture Shock by Po Bronson and a book I waited my whole life to read The Law of Success by Napoleon Hill. The first audiobook on my iTouch: Millionaire Upgrade by Richard Parkes Cordork. I have yet to start my bookclub one by Karen Armstrong, I forgot the title. Noteworthy, I Remember Nothing by Nora Ephron was a fun read.

But back to reality, I put aside my gadgets and watched the latest episode of The Good Wife. As usually identifying with a wounded woman who in some way triumphs and manages to hold her head up high and look straight ahead. In addition, I caught half of Desperate Housewives entertaining as usual. One show I watch tirelessly, is the cooky Big Love because of my fascination with cults.

I do have to say today I am in love with my hair. It's outgrown, long and behaves nicely with my hot iron. I also started wearing foundation again and feel terrific. One day I will post my photo.

Celebrate the beautiful day.

Mrs. Obama and I

2011-01-11T06:23:00.001-05:00

What do Michelle Obama and I have in common? Today, we both woke at 4:30 to exercise and begin our day. She had the Secret Service to walk the dog, I let my dog out back and that's no secret. So yes, I have been up for an hour and half, ugh.

Two things from last night, one I fell asleep four times reading on my new Kindle. Two, I woke up from snoring about three times and it was annoying, as a result, I got my morning exercise in. Mornings are my best time. Hence, writing this blog at 6:20 am.

My Christmas was great. I celebrated the holidays with my family attending four out of five parties and sleeping through New Year's. All the Doe's gathered a few days after Christmas with our children and grandchildren with laughs, laughs and more laughs. Thought I would put that one in there.

Enjoy your day.

Giving back is the best

2010-12-05T15:18:00.001-05:00

Today, I chauffeured around two little cubs as they went door to door for the Annual Salvation Army food drive. The boys ran from house to house like they were trick or treating and collected so much food for the less privileged. I loved it. We toasted our effort with some hot cocoa and a donut and gathered for a group photo. I find it one of life's great generosities to show children the art of helping those in need and my boys at such a tender age understand it. It's the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Now we're off to a hockey game, maybe my boy will score again. No pressure.

Teenagers

2010-12-01T21:35:00.001-05:00

Help, I have a teenager with all the classic signs or I should say behaviours. I am trying to remember if I gave my parents a run for their money? I think I did. Karma, karma, karma. Good Lord help me, lol.

24 Days Until Christmas

2010-12-01T21:33:00.001-05:00

Only 24 shopping days until Christmas. I must get into high gear and get this holiday off and running.

Nora Ephron

2010-12-01T21:31:00.001-05:00

I became a fan of Nora Ephron after reading her latest book "I remember nothing." She's funny, sassy and clever and an amazing prose composer.

A New Era

2010-11-08T14:46:00.001-05:00

A new era emerged over the weekend at my place with the arrival of my treadmill. For years and years, I secretly longed for one and finally it became a reality. I am the type that treadmills were designed for, if it's there I will use it, if not, I won't make any extra effort, especially going to a gym. But my very own has it's own attraction. Today, with the time change I missed critical time as I overslept and waited to get the boys off to school before making my way to my new machine. I love it.

Hence my sore legs. I already developed my own routine and am kinda pissed I buy add-ons. Wish me luck.

Halloween Hangover

2010-11-01T13:20:00.001-04:00

I woke at 6 am aghast and in a panic. Fuck. I rushed into my boys rooms in a loud voice waking them up. Shit. I am late, so fucking late. I woke the older one first and the little one last to make shower time work. Fuck. I quickly made a cup of caffeine knowing I would not have a moment to drink it. You think Hot Husband would help out. He was in his own delirious sleep, so no. I am going to rename him Warm Husband. He is quickly losing his "Hot" title.

I left my house with a grape jelly sandwich in one hand, my purse and keys in the other and two kids beds littered with candy. What am I going to do with all that candy? I am going to invent a Elf who comes in early November collecting candy for children who miss out on Halloween and donate my boys candy for the cause. Of course he will come during the day when they're at school.

Even though I did not consume one ounce of alcohol last night, I have a hangover. I am tired beyond belief, a slight headache and a bad case of the yuck yucks. Hence the Hangover. Have a good day. J

Miraculous Moat

2010-11-01T12:12:00.001-04:00

There comes a point in life when you let down your defence system and just accept your life. It's like when you were a teenager and the bad boy liked you but not for the reasons you hoped. But you snuck in one date anyway. Well, that's how I feel today. I am letting down my moat and just accepting what comes over the bridge.

I am resigned to the fact that life sometimes sucks and I just have to suck it up too. Who would have told you that marriage is not all rosy and very challenging at times? Not my mother, she's dead. Not the Does! They all have their own challenges. It's a life lesson, as Oprah would say.

Cheers to a day of letting down the moat!

After The Master Cleanse

2010-09-28T11:22:00.000-04:00

It’s been one month since I tried the Master Cleanse with very positive results. I lost ten pounds and received more compliments on my complexion than ever before. Physically, the cleanse did my body justice. There are days I want the simplicity of the cleanse rather than eating and I am gearing up for one more for this year.

I felt terrific and mentally strong while on it. Now, when hunger seems overwhelming I remind myself that I went seven days without food and did perfectly fine. I do recommend it to anyone wanting to cleanse their body. In my case, I wanted to rid my body of all the impurities that built up from preservatives in my food.

Good health, good life.

Fall Already?

2010-09-28T11:19:00.001-04:00

Summer flew by and now my favourite season is here. I feel in love with fall during my college days, walking through the paths of bright orange, yellow and deep brown leaves spotted with the remains of the overnight frost. What really got me into this season was a romanticized dream of holding hands and kissing my boyfriend, as we rustled up the leaves underfoot. The briskness of fall would make our cheeks red and the welcome of warmth at the local cafe as we sat lazily all Sunday afternoon staring into each other’s eyes. I can dream.

I was so freaking shy in college the best I did was look out into the quad as couples walked by and wished some guy would sweep off my feet. I came very close when the most popular guy on campus developed a big crush on me and hounded me for weeks but my shyness won that one.

Fall brings promise the end of growth and time for nature to prepare for a long cold winter and as it should. As the days begin to dim, the nights take on a whole new look. Soon waking my boys for school will start in the dark and coming home too. But it’s also the time for Halloween, rosy cheeks and walking through the forest to take in all the foliage.

Here’s to my favourite season.

Mastering The Cleanse

2010-09-09T08:52:00.000-04:00

I completed the Master Cleanse last Friday just before leaving for vacation. First, I am proud of doing it and felt amazing, my skin glowed and my tummy flattened. The most amazing thing about the cleanse: it’s simplicity. I seriously got hungry on the seventh day but I lived with not eating a thing for so long the moment passed. I plan on doing it in two more weeks because it made my body feel terrific. In total I lost 10 pounds and regained 3 back which I attribute to water.

I highly recommended for anyone wanting to rid their body of toxins and guck. One word of advice is strictly follow the ease out eating plan to avoid any issues. Should you be interested in the Master Cleanse click on this link: http://themastercleanse.org/

Good Luck.

First Day of School

2010-08-30T08:01:00.001-04:00

It's my son's first day of grade 4, his excitement took him to the bus stop in a slight jog to my delight. He changed school last year. After a horrific year with the meanest teachers in the entire school the result was my boy crying and protesting each and every day. He kept telling me he was going back to his old school, even at one point claiming he would run away to his old school. To avoid another miserable grade, I put it in his head the grade four teachers were the best, kindest ones of the whole school. Here's to his first day of school being a success. I cannot wait to see him off the bus.

Day Five of Cleanse

2010-08-30T07:53:00.001-04:00

I made it to Day Five of the Master Cleanse and I feel great. It's funny yesterday I spent the afternoon with the other Doe Sisters and as they all lagged and yawned I was filled with energy. That was great triumph for me and one of the greatest test to my stamina being around my sisters who can sometimes be a little more critical than Anna Wintour.

In addition to my new found energy is the fact that I drop a couple of pounds very quickly. Woot, Woot. My goal is 10 days but I will do it one day at a time.

Day Three of Cleanse

2010-08-28T21:43:00.001-04:00

I am so proud of myself for making this cleanse working. Today, is my third day and I feel elated and lighter: 4 ½ lbs lighter. My mood is good too and I am stronger. Not bad considering I did not eat a single thing for the past three days, just the Lemonade drink, some herbal tea and lots of water. I wore my tight jeans yesterday and they fit better.

Master Cleanse

2010-08-26T21:08:00.001-04:00

Today, I began the Master Cleanse drinking lemon water laced with maple syrup. I gave this much thought over the past year wondering if it was right for me. Finally, I decided to try it. Not a hard cleanse to do but it does take planning on your end. I had to fit it in between holidays and found the perfect opportunity this week and ending on the day we leave for our last summer vacation. I found the same resolve in myself when I quit smoking years ago. It's a strange thing but I manage my day at the office pretty good and the timing went perfectly. So here's to the end of Day One.

The best morning ever

2010-08-26T07:25:00.001-04:00

This morning I got off to a great start as I covered my son with his blanket, he whispered "you're the best, Mom." The love and appreciation is ten times better than coffee and a terrific way to start your Monday morning. On this fine Monday morning, I begin a master cleanse with lemon juice. I have ten days between trips and need it. My grandmother did her own version of a cleanse she termed "a physical" once a month. It served her well she lived until 94. Have a wonderful day.

DS Omen

2010-08-26T07:15:00.001-04:00

Here I was scanning the home page of today's Wall Street Journal and came across the Hindenburg Omen, a stock market indicator by Jim Miekka, a blind mathematician, in Maine that predicts stock market crashes. This guy has predicted successfully most crashes since 1987. Ha. I needed to say that. I guess I am not the only one feeling a looming market crash.

Eat Pray Love

2010-08-20T19:56:00.001-04:00

I cannot wait to see Eat Pray Love starring my favourite actress Julia Roberts. After reading the book, I realized if one could rise from the ashes of a nervous breakdown and write about it anything was possible for me and Elizabeth Gilbert. Around the time the book was released, I went through a rough patch in my life. I questioned the validity of everything and felt fucked up too. Although, I did not cross continents to solve my issues, I admired and revelled in her pureness in discussing her pain in print. I even questioned the integrity of her writing. Was she writing for an audience or did she really feel those words?

Because, some of her words resonated with me and I did not need to learn she was a charlatan. That would have blown my world in pieces. As I later learned, she wrote simply and quite witty a biography of her breakdown in life and marriage. Early this year I got to hear Ms. Gilbert speak in person at an Oprah event and she again came across as down to earth, non-presumptuous person plus she is an amazing story-teller.

Here comes: Dinner Movie Coffee

Great Times Ahead

2010-08-20T19:55:00.001-04:00

The past couple of years bordered on hard times for many as the economy in the United States tinkers on the edge of a great recession. Actually, quite close to a depression similar to the 1920's and nobody including me wants to even think it let alone write about it. No one wants the responsibility of sending a firestorm of speculation. But as summer ends and the markets are down, I think our economy is correcting itself from the years of artificial growth and expanse to the point the DJ will rest around 9000 by the end of October and slowly maintain a healthy growth for the next two decades due to caution in the "over" extending in every area of our economy.

But this is only my observation as a very green amateur stock market analysis. And yes, lots of money will be lost to those who spent the past decade artificially inflating the market for the wrong reasons. The market at freewill conducts itself. When the forces strain, coerce or even inflate it purposely it will adjust appropriately. Don't get me wrong, as a student of business and free market, I am a leaner towards the stalwart investing of Mr. Buffet and will continue to be, it's the way to make money even in rough times.

Under My Umbrella

2010-08-16T06:59:00.001-04:00

After incessantly asking me for an umbrella, I bought my youngest a new one just in time for a wicked storm. With the loud rumbles of thunder he woke and came downstairs to try it out in the rain. To no avail, he waited until the lightning stopped and when it did the rain ended. Poor guy.

Not to worry it's fore-casted to rain all day.

Brace Yourself

2010-08-16T06:57:00.000-04:00

Brace yourself, the big guy is getting his gear on tomorrow. The horror of a liquid diet lurks in our house. But a beautiful smile and snore “less” nights ahead for my teenager.

The Truth Shall Set You Free?

2010-08-10T20:20:00.000-04:00

They say “the truth sets you free.” From what. that't what I want to know? We each have our own truths, individual as the DNA that divides us. But on what level does the truth set us free? In my writing, I explore other truths not my own.

Bella Blueberry

2010-08-01T07:29:00.001-04:00

I wanted to write something smart yet funny story about my hyper dog Bella and her experience at our cottage but it's not happening. My little one asked if I could post something about this, I'll give it a try.

Let's put it this way, Bella is a miniature poodle with too much time on her hands and up in the mountains she a cross between a rabbit and a deer hopping and jumping through the air but looks like a black bear cub.

Blueberry season is in full swing and I picked a bunch for pancakes. Of course, Bella wanted to eat them. Typical dog. Not so typical, she liked them. I cannot recall any other dog liking fruit.

I need a video of Bella attacking me and my bowl of blueberries and a self addressed envelope to America's Funniest Video contest. As a dog, she did learn quick to sit for a treat and when I ignored her requested she just began eating them right off the bush. Now that's creative, even for a crazed dog that just jumped on the couch my son's foot long sneaker.

Blueberry to you.

Summer School

2010-07-15T06:51:00.001-04:00

My son is doing a blog for a summer school project. Yes, I admit my son is in summer school, he failed English by 2 points blowing his summer out of the water. When I spend too much time thinking about this and how his teacher could not bump him two points to pass, I lose it. On more than one occasion, I remind my boy that being the class pain gets you no extra points. Indeed, if he did not cause the teacher grief and actually a positive contributor to the class then my boy would now be in a canoe on a lake at camp. I would be $250 richer and life would be grand.

This week, in keeping with the age of the computing and social networking, his assignment is a blog. "Like your blog, Mom" happily disclosing. Oh yes, I remark "my blog logging daily reports of the washroom habits of both my sons." His head shot up "Really" chuckling. Yup. "I blog who urinated on the toilet seat, who craftily decorated the tiles with splash marks or who missed the bowl altogether and spattered the wall," quite seriously with a grin on the inside.

For more of a shock effect, I added in bedrooms and their cleanliness, just about then my attempt to shame him into submission and become the boy with the best bathroom etiquette is lost. I learn two things, SHAME never works and boys will be boys.

As for summer school, initially it devastated me my son failed a subject, I felt like a loser mom and blamed myself for his failure. I cried. Finally, I told my son that being the class clown in elementary school was cute and tolerated but welcome to high school. The teachers have no patients for idiotic behaviour and when it comes to grading the teacher will remember just that and not give you extra points for effort. In effect, you are casting an image as a pain and troubled kid and teachers talk. Welcome to high school, boy. Do I think my boy will change his ways and become a model student? Yes. No.

He is a comical guy who feeds off the reaction of his peers and enjoys the notoriety too much. This is the first time he truly felt the ill effects his prided skill so I think in two years he will get it. Summer school is a notch in his journey and I am sure there are a few more notches to be made before he gets a clear visual.

39th Birthday

2010-07-10T08:07:00.000-04:00

This past week I celebrated what my son so sweetly insists is my 39th birthday. He remembers I mentioned the women and age talk. He's so adorable. Yes, that's my son.

So for my 39th birthday and in the midst of a wicked heat wave, I threw a party for myself with Hot Husband's help of course. HH is the best BBQ man around. Three of the Does and their respective's along with all their children showed up.

The day was sizzling hot and not since we were in our twenties could you find four Does in the pool. We played Marco Polo with the kids. This put a smile on all the guests to see four sisters laughing and playing around. A true sign of relaxing, seeing all our lives are busy.

Of course, I had a cocktail to go with the event: Lime Margaritas Olé. After the woman and girls vacated the pool the husbands and boys entered. Now you know it's hot out when my little sister Lou swims along with my brother-in-laws.

It was the best birthday ever. Truly all my family celebrated and just got together. Next year for my 39th birthday I will throw another party too. Life is unpredictable so celebrate and love.

Why Is It Always About The Sleaze

2010-06-29T07:20:00.001-04:00

Maybe I am somewhat of a wallflower, a bit too conservative at times and let me throw this in for good measure: not so well endowed in the booby department. Yesterday, on Facebook my nieces posed in a picture with what I call the porn queen pucked lips.

This disconcerting turn of events in the past few years have young women fashioning looks of a prostitute. You see it everywhere, particularly, in the tabloids where popular culture seems to begin a trend. And young girls think this is what expected of them to feel attractive as this trashy fashion statement continues to exists. I don't think the same rules apply to them as they did for earlier generations.

But let me just say not all young women do this, I have another niece who is much more conservative in dress. I feel for every parent of a teenage girl or young adult. I only have sons who still let me choose their clothes!

Now I know what my parents went through when I was a teenager. My dad brought me home from my summer job one day after showing up with a spaghetti strap shirt, mind you I worked in his field office on a construction site. In the same way it horrified him to hear catcalls from his crew, I am horrified with todays fashion trend.

I guess one way to avoid this disturbing trend is to not look at tabloids as I wait in the check out line. And avoid Facebook, lol.

Busy, Busy, Busy

2010-06-27T08:14:00.000-04:00

I wish BUSY, BUSY, BUSY meant my phone line.

But as June comes to an end so comes one of the busiest months of the year and I am sure for many people.

The month began with coming home early from work and studying with both my boys as the final exams picked up, along with a very busy lacrosse schedule with games and practices almost every night and Hot Husband practicing with two bands keeping away three nights a week. All this not including getting to work.

The next week, my teenager who is completing his first year of high school and writing his exams threw a monkey wrench into my plans by driving and picking him up with his erratic schedule.

The next week, began on a sad note and equally as busy, as my youngest's project was on display for an open house and work was just plain crazy, working longer hours to assist my boss. By the end of the week I had a school BBQ and lacrosse game at the same time equally important and a must to attend and then Hot Husband played with his new band requiring my attention and presence, too. I did mention during this crazy week, my hours got longer at work and I had a teenager who refused a sitter because he's in high school by my side. Two of my Doe sisters celebrated their birthday on the same day and I had lunch with one and two presents.

By the weekend, I was downright wiped out but the fun only began, I had a party and lacrosse practice consecutively, Hot Husband chauffeured the little one to his playoffs and to our city's Fun Day. But another sad note with tragedy falling on a close relative which pretty much set my mood for the weekend. Around noon I called and cancelled out of the BBQ and slept for an hour. Then we had company come early and leave late. The next day we were up at camp for parents day which just so happens to fall on Hot Husband's birthday and Father's Day.

My Monday of the following week summed up was intense, sad, very sad and mournful, exciting, and downright busy. I was away from the office three days in a row. But as this month comes to a close, I am fortunate to have a very supportive husband and equally supportive family. I also celebrate the birth on my son who wishes he was a teenager too with my family and friends.

Even though June is crazy and sometimes unbearable I cherish all the moments, even the quiet ones. Have a great day.

Things gone bad

2010-06-27T07:56:00.000-04:00

This morning the Wall Street Journal has an article on 8 Blunders Job Hunters make like showing up for an interview with your kids or taking calls. I figure karma is telling you something when you have no choice to bring your children along for an interview. I laughed not at the others ill-gotten faith but at my own blunders. I am a real woman, I can laugh at my own foibles.

I remember acing an interview, getting the job and showing up on time, really on time. A day early to be exact, on a Monday. Reasonable to assume most jobs begin fresh on a Monday! Not this time, the bank I worked started new employees only on Tuesdays because Monday turns out to be too hectic. So much for acing the interview, obviously my mind did not register that.

But interviews are nerve racking and intense at the best of times. I just completed interviews last week for a scholarship board I chair. The candidates all had sweaty palms and nervous faces. But after relaxing somewhat they all pulled through and stepped up to the plate.

The worst interview is from someone not qualified for the job. Like the guy who chose his current girlfriend as his role model. While most people choose a mentor or parents, this idiot chose his main squeeze. Go figure young and not yet matured. All said, interviews unnerve the even the best. Unless you're up for parole, no one likes to be grilled and observed for an hour or so.

Good luck to your next interview.

So When Did I Become My Mother

2010-06-20T08:20:00.000-04:00

This morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and noted my sagging breasts. If you think small breasts don`t sag give me a call. In the instant my brain registered this I thought of my mother, who by the way, left out her breast gene while conceiving me. It was then I asked ''when did I become my mother?''

It`s not such a bad thing to be my mom. My memories of her vibrancy and life cutoff 23 years ago when she passed at the age of 53. Yet, I recall her body frame, go figure. Now a mother and wife, I see some similarities with my mom like our love of clothes. Just the other week, one of the Doe`s confessed I reminded her of Mommy with my sense of style. But it was the glimpse of her I seen in the mirror.

So becoming my mom is all that bad, as long as I don`t pin curl my hair. Good Day.

The Nun who said FUCK

2010-06-05T09:41:00.000-04:00

Last night was Book Club night with a small group of women. The book of discussion is The World is Flat by Thomas Friedman, a noted columnist from the New York Times. Interestingly, the conversations took many winding roads like a drive through the hillside vineyards in the Alps.

With only a few in the group reading the book, we enjoy the company and the conversation ranging from globalization to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. But most interestingly and quite funny was the former nun who said fuck. No one gasped, quite the opposite, the lady on my left said "You just said FUCK, you're a former nun." The former nun brushed off the comment and continued her tirade on the greedy ass phone companies.

Never a dull moment with these women. I look forward to the next one.

Sex In The City 2

2010-06-04T17:27:00.000-04:00

I am a fan of Sex In The City of late. I picked up on the series in the 3rd to last episode and fell in love with the girls . At times, like most fans, I identified with Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. And last evening seeing SITC 2, I am still a fan.

So my first movie review goes: grab a couple of girlfriend, leave your man at home, make a night of it with dinner and cocktails. Sex In The City 2 is not a cinematic movie meant to evoke deep meaning in the Plains of Arabia but to evoke many outbursts of laughs as Carrie and the gang show us their lives. Just like you and me they have hang ups, at times are unsure of themselves and have crazy busy lives.

And the clothes, shoes and accessories make even plain Jane's grovel with envy. Just these alone make the movie interesting.

Enjoy.

The Masons & Me Part ll

2010-05-26T21:18:00.000-04:00

Curiosity is a cool thing. I wonder if the Freemasons ever allowed women to join their secret society? And is it really true George Bush and John Kerry are Freemasons?

Food for thought. Food for thought.

The Masons & Me

2010-05-26T20:56:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I woke from a startling dream about the Masons. Before I get to the dream let it be known since reading the Di Vinci Code by Dan Brown years ago, my fascination with them is heightened.

On a trip the year before my dad passed away we drove to Detroit for a family wedding. To keep the to conversation going thus making the drive seem shorter, I engaged my dad in highlights from the book. My neurotic enthusiasm probably just about drove him over the edge. He finally confessed his brother was a Mason to my utter astonishment. By then, he opened a can of worms and must have regretted ever telling the daughter who never stops talking.

Fast forward to yesterday morning at 6am when I woke from this weird dream. Basically the dream entailed returning a scared book to the Masons in New York City. The sequence of events included some of my Does and my two sons.

Upon entering the Masonic Temple in Times Square, we were guided up a beautiful cream marble staircase in a place that looked similar to Ripley's Believe It or Not store with all the trappings of Mason handiwork.

Basically I was chosen to become a Mason. In my dream I remember saying No! No! Make my sister a member not me, shoving the book in her hands, thinking all I needed was another club to added to my already busy schedule. In a desperate plea to avoid membership, I protested that women were not allowed to be in the Masons to no avail. Some dream.

Later that day, I retold the dream to a Doe and we got a chuckle out of it without a doubt that dream definitely will not come true. Good night and sweet dreams.

Weekend begins

2010-05-21T08:10:00.000-04:00

The boys are home today so I stayed in bed longer that usual to avoid making HH java. I need my rest, lol. Now he's off and I have a quiet house until the boys wake to be fed and play.

Yesterday, I sat in my car getting some papers ready and thinking about a c.v. I sent out early in the week and coincidently bumped two guys who work in the office in the matter of five minutes of each other. Weird.

I watched the last episode of Grey's Anatomy last night. It was good but Meredith's character bugs me at times, especially when she jeopardized her pregnancy to be with Derek. I admit to being a Grey's fan. I also caught The Good Wife too. Great show.

Today, it's haircuts for the boys and justing hanging around home. Tomorrow, HH and I attend an engagement party.

Happy Anniversary

2010-05-17T20:22:00.000-04:00

Hot husband plucked down the big bucks this year and bought me a new laptop. What a great surprise. My immediate reaction had to be: what did he do? Then how sweet. For a couple of months he mentioned how he owed me a very nice anniversary present. It took me off guard since I needed not remind him about the date.

So here I am logging a post to my blog on my new and very exquisite laptop thanks to Hot Husband. I am a very lucky wife.

So here's to one happy anniversary woman. Cheers.

Oprah Live

2010-05-14T19:55:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I had the pleasure of being in Oprah's company. She was amazing, with an ignamic personality she draws you in. Like the rest of mostly women we were captivated by her presence. I spent the weekend in NYC with one of the Doe Sisters to attend Live Your Best Life series celebrating the 10th anniversary of O magazine.

Oprah open up the weekend festivities with a very short introduction and gave the floor to Elizabeth Gilbert of Eat Pray Love, who by the way is terrific. Later that evening Oprah spent almost two hours telling us about her life and how she became the biggest name in show biz. From her roots in the south to her arrival on T.V. in the early 80's.

In the mix, I got to see Dr. Oz live and in person. What a handsome and sexy doc! Also, Martha Beck, an O columnist who equally captivated her audience.

But that was only the beginning, lets just say Oprah treats people exceptionally nice. I came home with a beautiful purse and an inspiration book of quotes and other countless items. If you have have the opportunity to see Oprah take it.

What did I leave NYC aside for the cute pink purse I bought but best of all I came home with very insightful messages on living your best life. Enjoy.

Toxic Friends

2010-05-14T19:40:00.000-04:00

Recently I came across an article about toxic friendships. To be honest I did not really read it in entirety, wishing now to read it. Today, I experienced what one could label a toxic friendship and just realized it's been like this forever.

In short form, I noticed yesterday my friend lets call her DoePhin sneakingly went behind my back. For what reason? What was she to gain? One upping her friend. In a perplexing daze, I set up harmless trap to see where Doephin would take it. This morning to my less than surprised self, I got it, finally. Like a child flustering for attention, she tattled on me.

Actually, her behavior never wavered, I am the one who chose not to dwell on her less than ideal qualities. Is this a toxic relationship? The anger and disbelief is directed at me, kicking myself in the soul.

So what is a Doe to do in a situation like this. Well, I thought for a while about revenge but remember some saying that its similar if not the same as to agression, yadayada. I vow to stay clear of her and let the friendship fade out over time. Like my resolve at turning forty, I am keeping the positives and dropping the negatives.

Relief.

Colds and Nightmares

2010-05-03T13:00:00.001-04:00

This weekend a head cold decided to visit me for the weekend. It dropped by on Friday afternoon without any warning, it's usually modus operanti. Friday left my boys in a quandary and wondering what to do for the evening with mom in bed. Off they went to the movies. Hot Husband despite missing a day at the office went to his Rock Band practice. That night brought a restless sleep and my body up around 7am.

In the shower in an attempt to wash away the germs that plagued me to no avail and out the door by 8:45 to sign the little one up for summer camp. Back home two hours later to pick up my older one and try and make a food grab at the local Costco and get lunch. Not nutritious but food in their bellies. The worst is having two hungry boys, no energy to prepare lunch and no food in the pantry. Then back home to bed. That night the cold began to subside replaced by a dry cough. I actually made dinner to my boys delight.

That night I figure would be much easier to sleep. Hah. I had two of the worst nightmares in a long time that left me perplexed and frightened. Even a day later, the dreams are vivid. Yuck. I attribute this to my cold which is nothing but an occasional cough.

Ca la vie. Have a great day. Three days to Oprah!! Hooray.

One Week To Oprah

2010-04-30T13:29:00.000-04:00

One week to a weekend with Oprah celebrating the 10th anniversary of her magazine O, The Oprah Magazine. I am getting so excited.

I plan on leaving Thursday after work to catch my flight. One of the Doe Sisters decided to join me late in the game and she's equally excited.

Oprah here I come!

Word of the Day

2010-04-28T14:11:00.000-04:00

I love words. I love leaning new words. I love opening a musty old dictionary to any page and let my eyes scroll over the columns, from right to left, my specialty. Two years ago, I came upon the word "Pollyanna" and fell in love with it, probably how it rolled over my lips, not necessarily what it meant. Well, kinda what it meant but more how it sounded.

Today, my word of the day is strife, yesterday it was kerfuffle. Kerfuffle is a cute and polite way I think of saying there is some kind of row or disagreement going on. Strife follows in the same line or definition as kerfuffle. Go figure today is a full moon and all the tension leading up to this showing of the moon should put to rest the explosive energy lurking around.

Tomorrow's word of the day will to me and it will be on a lighter and more entertaining note.

Chances

2010-04-27T11:01:00.000-04:00

What are the chances I will have lunch with Warren Buffet, Oprah, Sitting Bull (impossible he's dead) and Elizabeth Gilbert?

Slim, 50/50 or absolutely possible.

I vote for absolutely possible. You see, we will all converge in one city in a couple of weeks. Except Sitting Bull who passed in 1890. Everything is possible that's what makes life interesting.

No Spokesperson Here

2010-04-27T10:52:00.001-04:00

Since posting the Top Three Cults in the U.S. last week, the feedback is mostly positive and helpful with one angry comment. I am no spokesperson for Anti Cults, just a blogger who writes about daily things that impact my life.

Cults are real and very much part of the terrain in some peoples life. I wish everybody the best and hope that their lives are full of love. What I cannot do is take the cult out of people. They are the only ones who can do that. Some don't even believe they are in a cult, so there!

But I can blog what's on my mind.

The Impact of Cults

2010-04-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

I am no expert on cults but I do have first hand experience on the ill effects of them. One of my Doe Sisters is a mother to four children brought up in a cult. I am proud of her for the resiliency in her spirit.

She mothers from a distant to now all adult children raised in a cult. Each day she makes her way through the grit and grime of the debris of the cult. Some day her children reach out to her and allow her to be a good mom. Other days they admonish her and her non-cult ways.

But she preserves and triumphs like no other human being I met. She loves her children like all moms do, unconditionally.

So, Cults. Ugh. What else I can say. Maybe do not answer the door when they come a knocking. Have a terrific day.

The Top Three Cults in the U.S.

2010-04-26T16:19:00.000-04:00

Top Three Cults in U.S.

Church of Jesus Christ Latter Day Saints - Mormonism
The Watchtower Bible and Tract Society - Jehovah's Witness
Church of Scientology

Restlessness is really avoidance

2010-04-24T14:14:00.000-04:00

I lay down 10 times today beginning at 7:00 am this morning thinking a short siesta would cure this internal restlessness camouflaged as fatigue. Really it's avoidance, of what? That I am still trying to figure out.

But I am avoiding something. It took me a good ten minutes to log onto my blog and every possible distraction to get to this point. Writing is one of my releases, as well as, my vice in life. I may not be a Hemingway or an Austen but I am who I am. A writer. An introvert who gets out in the world through a small key hole slot of my imagination or opinion. Did I mention about another bad habit of procrastination that I love dearly too. Actually restlessness and procrastination go hand in hand in my book.

Anyway, I am here releasing some of my bad habits. I am afraid of failing so I don't try or don't follow through in many areas of my life. This drives hot husband crazy. At times me too. But I am like most women in the early 40's realizing things about myself.

With my restlessness comes the forms of distractions like throwing an impromptu dinner party and puttering about. Thank God it's the weekend and I am not going to be late for work. enjoy your day.

Happy Monday

2010-04-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

Mondays are fabulous only if you embrace them. My Monday is off to a great start and I love it. It began with my boss giving me the day off, then rambling some stuff about gratitude on Facebook and now just relaxing after a bath.

What to do on a day off? Errands, a pedicure for sure and some shopping. Definitely, wash the care and get some spring air in my house.

I am blessed with good fortune you think? Everybody have a wonderful day.

Cults

2010-04-18T09:24:00.000-04:00

Cults prey on the weak and emotionally distraught, particularly women. Most cults in some way cut off your connection to family, friends and community. In all cases, they do some form of brainwashing on the subject. If you Google cults in America you get 1.3 million direct hits. I have done this before.

But what hurts the most is the pain left on a parent(s). I witnessed that yesterday at a baby shower my Doe hosted for her daughter. Lets call her Bambi. Bambi always lead a strange life. She reminds her mom every chance she gets how she abandoned her and her siblings after the divorce. Not quite the case. But lets go with it. You see she was brought up in a cult. The one that does not celebrate holidays like Christmas and goes door to door selling a magazine for the towering price of 25 cents.

It's been a hard road for my sister but a well worth road. She is now 16 or 17 years sober and proud of it. She is now remarried and works. She is independent and smart as a whip. She came out of it a in one piece. I continuously remind her of my admiration of her courage and perseverance. Her eldest daughter remained in the cult.

Initially, I could not blame the kid, that's all she knew. She was kept from her mom after the divorce and indoctrinated into a cult that flourishes in shunning out family. Today, she's married with twins on the way, a young mother and educated. But her "cultness" comes to the surface at all the wrong times, like her baby shower. It was the innocence I remember in her that prevented me from blaming her for bad behavior in the past but not now. She is out right rude and disrespectful of her non-cult family. And in some way takes pride in it.

But the pain it causes my sister is not so nice. What is one to do? My Doe Sister is grateful to be part of her life and now her grandchildren's life. It's just hard to watch someone you love get shit on by their own child. Ce la vie, life in a cult.